For a creature weighing 450 pounds and standing six foot tall, he felt strangely helpless.
Atop a tall concrete moat, human passersby stopped and glanced into the zoo's gorilla habitat, which had been home to 34-year-old Ben Turnow for several weeks. It was getting more difficult to keep track of the time when his days were spent lounging and eating bushels of fruits, vegetables and other plants.
Two teenagers laughed and pointed at him. "He's not doing anything," one complained.
Ben got onto all fours and knuckle-walked across the compound to find some shade beneath one of the plantings. He tried to ignore the gawkers.
The worst part of his day happened three times daily with the morning, afternoon and early evening lectures by different zoo volunteers. Volunteers always began by pointing out their "celebrity" gorilla, which had been found mysteriously in a local suburban neighborhood.
"Perhaps it was meant to be," today's guide continued. "We had lost our long-time silverback, Kong, and then this big guy shows up. We're calling him Chaz."
Ben huffed and turned his back on the speaker and her audience. His nostrils flared in his leathery face. "Of course, Chas is also a mature silverback, and our vets have determined he is about 30 years old. In captivity, gorillas can live for more than 50 years. Kong was 43 when we lost him."
As if he needed reminding that he could face 20 more years of life as a gorilla if he didn't manage to either gain access to that mysterious computer program that had changed him or communicate his dilemma to someone.
He had been confident he could use a stick and scrawl a message in the dirt, until he tried that strategy. Any time he tried to write out a message, his brain went strangely foggy and he ended up making useless scribbles in the dirt.
"You'll notice most of the other gorillas are females and considerably smaller than Chaz," the tour guide said. "We're still hoping they'll attract the big guy's interest. We'd like to have Chaz help with our captive breeding program."
"Fat chance," Ben thought to himself.
Every day when the zoo closed, he explored the perimeter of the compound, hoping to find a way out. He hoped staff might forget to lock a door. He tried scaling trees, but they were too far away from the wall to make a leap to freedom a possibility. The concrete moat that surrounded the compound was also an insurmountable barrier.
Every day ended in disappointment with Ben munching on leaves and fruit until he fell asleep. Sometimes, he dreamed he was human again. When he awoke, it was difficult to remember if he was a human dreaming of being a gorilla or a gorilla dreaming of becoming human.
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