You cross your arms and give a long sigh as you give the toilet a look.
Stephen shivers, his tank lid rattling a bit as he does so, piping up with a whine in his voice. "I told you, I couldn't help myself. Something about this is making me really...excitable, I guess. I just felt this deep need to..."
"Crank one out?"
The toilet sputters. "W-What? No, I just, I can't..."
"Dude, calm your tank. I mean, the changes somehow increasing your libido is possible the least weird thing about all of this. This is a judgment free environment. And I'm kinda messing with you. There's something funny about seeing an animate toilet get all flustered."
"Heeeeey! This isn't funny!"
"Dude, it kinda is. But I guess I can say that as the one that's not the animate toilet. Let's give you another flush here." You reach over and push down Stephen's handle, which produces a flush of water and a moment later, there's Stephen again. Looking normal in a t-shirt and athletic shorts, squirming a bit as he repositions the shorts.
"That is still way too weird," Stephen mutters, his ears red.
You can't help glance down at Stephen's crotch. "So, need a change of-"
"No! N-no, I'll be fine, we should just do the test and figure out if we can fix all this. Ready to go down?"
"Go on down, Stephen. Have a friend stopping by."
"Oh jeeze, we don't want to pull someone else into this madness."
"Gods no. Just going to have her wait here while we test the keys. This situation is so damned convoluted and I don't wanna turn her into a toilet too when trying to explain the situation."
"Point taken. OK, I'll make sure everything is ready. Don't be too long. I don't-I mean..."
"Don't worry, Stephen. I'll get down before you turn back into a toilet at midnight."
Stephen gives a weak smile and thumbs up, then heads out of the apartment.
You take a deep breath as you walk over to check in the fridge. The Tupperware container with dog poop was still in there, next to the eggs and potentially expired mayonnaise. Yes, odd place to store the cop and your friend Keith, but worked for the time being. "I'm sorry, guys," you say, uncertain if either of the objects can hear you, "We're gonna try and fix this up at soon as possible."
"Sweet talking some leftovers?" a female voice asks.
You look up to see Sarah standing behind you, and you close the door of the fridge in what you hope is a non-suspicious manner. "Hey Sarah!" you say in what you hope is a non-suspicious voice, "Nice to see you. You're really sneaky."
"Part of my ninja training," she smirked, "Wanted to stop by to check how Keith did at the open house thing. He was so whiny about it this last week I wanted to make sure he carried through."
"Oh. We haven't made it to the open house yet."
Sarah's eyes narrowed. "What excuse did he make this time?"
"No excuse. Really. Was my fault this time. Car trouble. New car trouble. Cops. You know, I'm a crazy driver. Vroom."
Sarah looks you over. "Did Keith finally convince you to do weed? You're acting weird."
"J-Just been a crazy day. Hey, I have a friend who wanted me to help with something quick. Could you chill here and I'll be right back?"
Sarah shrugged. "Sure. I can sit tight. Where's Keith?"
You force yourself not to look at the fridge. "Around. I mean, he's out. He'll be back soon."
Sarah gives you another look. With her being your friend for so long, she knew when you weren't being straight forward with her, and she was giving an expression that she obviously suspected something was up. To her credit, she let her suspicions slide. "Sure. I'll sit tight. Let me know if you need anything, OK?"
"Of course, Sarah," you say, giving her a small salute as you head out of the apartment down the garage.
When you get there, Stephen is no where to be seen.
"Stephen? Where are you?"
There's a muffled cough from the janitor closet. "Ur...in here."
Confused you walk over and open the door, finding a toilet once again occupying the space inside. "Dude! Seriously?! I was up there for less than ten minutes."
The toilet seems embarrassed. "I know, I know. I felt really...odd, and was just gonna tease myself and then...this happened again. Maybe you should just do the test quick, flush me after, and we'll go from there."
You can't believe this is happening. You pull the keys from your pocket. "Sure. But you're taking a long cold shower when we get back to the apartment, dude."
You close the door and took a few steps away when your landlord, a brash older man, bursts into the garage, phone held to his ear. "I'm checking this out right now. I have no idea what the hell Jose would be talking about. A toilet in the garage janitor closet? I think he might be high as a kite."
You watch as the landlord walks over to the janitor closet and throws the door open. "The fuck?" he exclaims into the phone, "There's a fucking toilet in here, and a new looking one at that."
You hold your breath as your landlord takes a closer look at the toilet that's Stephen. He opens the lid to look into the bowl. Stephen, to his credit, remains still, most likely scared at being revealed, again, uncertain what's going to happen next. The landlord closes the toilet lid, then appears to be looking to the handle.
Oh no. You couldn't have your landlord flush the toilet, then Stephen would reappear, post-climax, which would lead the landlord to immediately call the cops. The landlord loved calling the cops on all matter of minor offense. Admittedly, a toilet turning into a human would be one of the better, if slightly more unbelievable reasons.
This was a terrible idea, but this was the only idea you had and you had no more time before he pressed Stephen's handle. You lift the car keys and press the button.