Chad lay in the dark cold stinky sauna for hours. He got angrier and angrier, until finally, he moved. He moved! The plank shifted a half inch. He focused his anger all weekend. His movement was basically vibrational. He shifted inches or fractions of inches at a time. Enough of the plank was hanging over the slats of the bench that it didn't take much to topple Chad to the sauna floor. He lay on his side for hours, aching from his actions. Now he had to get out of here. He shifted, and bumped, and banged. Chad was getting better at this. He uprighted himself, and was leaning against the wooden frame that surrounded the sauna heater. He was at an angle to the door. He pushed off. He moved away from the wall, and fell back. He pushed harder, fell back. Third time wasn't the charm, nor was the fourth or fifth. Chad had no idea how long this was taking. The sixth time, he hit the door, and it swung open and he fell through.
"Yes!" thought Chad's wooden brain, "I am Plank! I am getting the hang of moving."
He flopped around like a fish out of water, but in slow motion. He inched his way along the floor, down the hallway from the sauna to the locker room. He half considered going to his locker, but realized even if he managed to work the combo, and open the locker, that nothing would fit him - if there was anything there. If he was Ed, not even a jockstrap or sock would be left, no trace of Chad. So Chad edged himself toward the door. Oh, did he edge himself. He was sure he sanded off a little more of his bump on his trek across the locker room floor to the exit.
At last he made it. He was opposite the locker room doors. He had done it in the dark. He figured the motion sensor lights weren't designed to kick on for objects moving an inch or so above the floor, or mice and cockroaches would keep it on 24/7. He thought there was a chance that if he uprighted himself again that he might trigger them.
He edged forward and against the door. Chad managed to get himself up to the breakaway hardware on the door, but when he pushed off hoping to hit it, he fell against the floor with a thud. OW!
If he had been human, Chad would have been black and blue, sore and sweaty from his ordeal. But Chad was a solid guy now, and managed to move from his prison in the sauna all the way to the locker room door. He wasn't about to quit now.
Thud!
Thud!
Chad decided to change strategies after hitting just beneath the hardware and falling three times. He wobbled and twitched until he was able to work his way up the door frame to above the door handle. He then managed to fall against it. His weight and moment managed to dislodge the breakaway door handle, and the door opened, and Chad fell through. He was almost half out of the locker room. Chad managed to work his way out, and upright himself after the door closed behind him. He wobbled and shifted until he was upright leaning against the door. He shifted and shifted and bounced against the door and wall until he was a good four inches from the door. He could see the sunrise through the windows in the hallway. It was Saturday morning? No, it must be Sunday. Chad felt triumphant, he was proud. He had escaped the fate Ed had planned for him. He had managed without hands or feet or even a human body to escape the sauna. He stood proud against the wall, as the pale grey sky grew brighter, as the sun rose.
Then he heard a key in a door lock, and a door open and close. Footsteps.
HELP! Chad thought.
The school janitor? But Chad remembered that he was there Friday night. It was only for a few seconds or minutes, he had forgotten until now. The wet mop had sloshed across him, the other bench and the floor, and the man was gone. He was back? But why?
The janitor glanced at the plank of wood leaning against the wall, and shrugged, and disappeared through the locker room door with barely a glance at the wooden plank. Chad was somewhat relieved, it would be hell to try to get out of the dumpster. But why was the janitor here on a Sunday? Answer: it wasn't Sunday, it was Monday. Chad had taken all night Friday and all day Saturday to navigate down the windowless corridor from the sauna and shower room to the locker room. The sunrise he had seen was Sunday's sunrise. It was now Monday.
A group of kids came down the hallway. Chad tried to move, but he couldn't he was frozen. The kids stared at him. His mind moved like molasses trying to place their names. They were moving so fast, their features seemed to blur. Another one appeared. He froze like Chad. He wasn't blurry. Chad recognized him.