"So anyway, I thought I'd try out the new sauna bench before school starts," Ed explained.
"Duh, sweating on Plank, wicked cool, that's why I'm here. Oh, look Plank came out to greet us!" said Bruno pointing at the board next to the locker room.
"What the -" said Ed running toward Chad.
Chad was angry, embarrassed, and frustrated. He was standing naked in the hallway, dozens of students walked by and ignored his nakedness, and now Ed and Bruno were here, and he just knew they would put him back. What was it all for anyway?
Nobody realized Chad was naked except Ed, and maybe Bruno, but Bruno didn't know it was really Chad, he was just roleplaying it.
Bruno followed. Ed had pulled Chad away from the wall and spun him around. "It's my board all right, but how did it get here?"
"Hey, Plank can move, remember, Ed?"
"Shut it, Bruno, Plank didn't move, somebody moved him. He's solid wood remember?" Ed held the board away from the wall, and knocked on it with his other hand, "Solid wood."
"Yeah, Ed, whatever? Johnny knows, right, Plank?" Bruno said with a wink to Chad.
"Sometimes, you disturb me, Bruno," Ed said shaking his head, "Now help me carry this back into the sauna. Maybe if I screw it down?"
Bruno took one end of Chad, and Ed took the other. Together, they carried him back into the locker room. Coach Sinclair saw them.
"Hey, what are you two doing with that board?" Coach Sinclair asked.
"Putting it back. Why was it by the door outside the locker room?"
"Huh? Oh, damn, I forgot to tell the janitor about your project. He cleans the sauna every Monday morning, and probably moved the board."
"Oh?" Ed said with a sound of clear relief. He was starting to wonder if Johnny was right, and Chad/Plank could move. Not Johnny, Bruno. How had he forgotten that cartoon or that he, Bruno and Chad had role played those characters as kids?
"Here let me get the sauna door," Bruno said lowering his end.
Soon Chad was back in position on top of the wooden slats.
"I should have removed the slats, but Coach wants to see how people like the new plank first. Do you think slats or smooth board are better, Bruno?"
"I like Plank," Bruno said with a smile. He lifted the board up, and pulled out a marking pen, and drew a silly smiling face and eyes on Chad' s underside. He smiled, "There, Plank, you're good as new." He lowered the board back into place.
"I still need to secure it," Ed said , "But screws or nails?"
"Shivs," answered Bruno. He took his backpack off, and opened it. He took out some bits of wedge shaped pieces of wood. "I help my dad install hardwood floors. Wood expands and contracts, moreso in a sauna. So the best way to secure a board where it's subject to expansion is to put shivs in the edges, and put a molding strip over them to conceal. See, I just hammer them in along the edges, and Plank ain't going anywhere for a while."
NO! thought Chad.
"Brilliant!" said Ed.
In a few minutes, Chad was wedged permanently into place. Ed turned on the sauna, then ran to the wood shop to get some molding. Bruno went to his locker and returned to stretch out on Chad in only his Speedo.
"Yeah, Plank, it's good to have you back after all these years. You've always been so supportive," Bruno said.