Bill was about to have a bad day, and he knew it.
He hadn't overslept or stubbed his toe, forgotten his homework or suffered a bad hair day. But as he walked out of the house into the early morning air he somehow sensed something bad was going to happen. For a moment, he considered heading back inside and trying to convince his mom he was too sick for school. But that would only forestall the inevitable. Bill had a big test today and knew if he didn't take it today he'd just have to take it tomorrow.
Sighing heavily, Bill started walking to school ... when something odd caught his attention. A strange silhouette on the horizon was headed down the sidewalk towards him, and as it approached, he could hear an ominous high-pitched screeching. Stepping on to the grass, Bill cleared a path as an incredibly odd figure came lumbering down the sidewalk towards him.
At first, it seemed to be an enormous fat woman running at top speed. But as the figure drew closer, Bill saw she was bald. No, strike that -- she had the head of a fat, heavily bearded, middle-aged man!
And as the man-woman charged closer, Bill could see this strange beast had a Caucasian head but the torso of a grossly obese African-American woman ... with four arms?! Bill rubbed his eyes and counted again: one, two, three, four arms pumping up and down. And waitaminute, Bill thought ... this odd person also seemed to have mismatched limbs. Some were white, some were black, some were tanned in-between shades. The body's legs didn't seem to match up either. Wait ... on closer inspection, Bill saw the creature had the feathery legs of a giant chicken! The beast was dressed equally odd: a pink, polka-dotted bikini about six sizes too small, a plaid pleated school girl skirt, a long green feather boa, and a jangling jumble of bracelets on all four arms.
Bill stood speechless as the bizarre beast charged past him and shrieked, "I'm a pretty girl! I'm a pretty girl! I'm a pretty girl!" in a high pitched falsetto voice. As the creature ran past, Bill noticed a long, fuzzy pink, snakelike tail trailed out from under the skirt and followed behind, wriggling on the sidewalk.
As Bill stared dumbstruck at the freakish sight, a second figure approached down the sidewalk. This one was a drop-dead gorgeous woman in a business suit. She had supermodel good looks and a delicious looking body with curves in all the right places. She slowly approached Bill, her heels clicking smartly on the pavement. She seemed to be laughing.
"Hi, Kid!" she said. "I suppose you saw my worthless ex-husband pass by? I guess I'm done punishing him. Worked out all my anger and, well ... I think he's had enough for now."
Without warning, the woman tossed a heavy, dark green gemstone at him. Bill caught it reflexively. It was slightly smaller than his fist and was cut with dozens of oddly angled facets.
"It's yours," said the woman with a smile. "It's called the Grellstone. Only works when you're real pissed off. But, as saw with my ex, it can do just about anything!"
Then the woman abruptly walked off, still chuckling to herself.
Not knowing what else to do, Bill started his walk to school again, gazing at the odd jewel in his hands. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going when suddenly Bill collided with...