“Honestly doc, I’m pretty messed up.” I said, looking down at my hands, clenched tightly together on my lap. She didn’t say anything for a minute, I looked her way, and she gave me a look like “go on…” I took a deep breath and let it out in a huff, “I’m fucking gay now doc… I never had a gay thought in my life before, but now, since I’ve been in this new body, all I can think about is gay shit. It’s driving me crazy because I can’t control it… Because I keep thinking about…” Shit, do I want to just spell it all out already? Fuck it… “Because I really want to be with my son… sexually.” I paused there and looked her way, waiting for her to soak that little bit of information in. She reacted like she was totally unfazed. Remind me never to play poker with this lady, damn!
She took a moment to jot down some notes, then crossed her ankles and leaned forward and finally spoke, “And you say you were in no way homosexual before this procedure, correct?” I nodded. “Well, tell me how this all started then. Leave out no details.” She sat back again, pen and paper ready.
I proceeded to go into vivid detail about everything that happened over just the last day: me trying to cope with my new body, amazing though it is, but far different from what I was accustomed to. Trying to come to terms with the fact I feel nothing romantically for my wife any longer, and instead, have made my own son the object of my affections – and how he seems to feel the same toward me. I even mentioned our intimate rough housing and the risqué images, as well as how turned on all of it made me. I felt simultaneously relieved to reveal it all as well as profoundly ashamed of my feelings for my own son. Finally, I came to the present moment and heaved a heavy sigh looking up at the ceiling, wanting nothing more than to shut off my mind to the world around me and all this craziness I’ve had thrust on me. I didn’t want this, I didn’t ask for this, they could have just let me die, why didn’t they? Why did I have to be some guinea pig, some science project for these people?
Dr. Hilton finally finished jotting down her notes and took a deep breath herself. She lightly tapped her pencil on her notepad; I assume either hoping I would reveal more, or just trying to think of what to say herself. I didn’t bother to look her way, I was tired of talking about all this at this point. Finally, she said, “Well Paul, it seems to me we have two main issues to deal with together. First, there is you getting used to the idea of being homosexual now. Second, dealing with the feelings that come with that and working to better control them.” She paused to let that sink in. Still looking up at the ceiling, I simply nodded. “To start with, I realize this sudden change in your sexuality is overwhelming to deal with right now. You spent over four decades of your life being attracted to women, only to now find yourself attracted to men, and from what you tell me, it seems to be men similar to your new body. This could be a form of narcissism, not in the necessarily negative sense, but in the sense you are trying to make sense of your new situation by seeking out those you see mirroring your new self. If that makes sense?”
I nodded again, looking her way. It actually did make sense in a weird way, I was still coming to terms with how I look now in the mirror and maybe deep inside I wanted to see the new me in those around me – and somehow that translated to sexual desire? It was all starting to make my head hurt again, so I decided just to relax and try not to let it get to me right now.
“So I think our first goal would be to get you to learn to be comfortable with the new you. Gain some real self-confidence in how you look now and once you are more confident, you’ll be less inclined to seek out yourself sexually in those you see as your mirror. That’s not to say you will never have sexual desires for other men. I share Dr. Jenkins’ confusion as to why you should have your donor body’s sexuality at this point at all. We both agree that it should not have been possible, yet it happened, and we have to deal with the repercussions of it. All of us.”
I nodded again, looking down at my clenched hands. “It’s not that I am homophobic or anything. I won’t lie and say I don’t mind being gay, it’s not something I’m opposed to morally or whatever, but it’s just not who I was for most of my life.”
“And I get that Paul. I don’t think anyone would accuse you of being homophobic in your situation. Anyone in the same situation would likely have the same misgivings and confusion you are currently dealing with. I imagine it would be just as difficult for a man who was gay his whole life to suddenly find himself having heterosexual thoughts and urges and having to learn to deal with that and adapt to that change.”
I nodded again, cautiously looking up at her. She gave me a warm smile. Reassuring me.
“So here’s what I want you to work on over the next month or two for the first issue. I want you to, at least every morning when you wake up and evening before you go to bed, look at yourself in the mirror for at least five minutes. Study your new form. Learn to accept it, learn every curve, bump, and edge. But try to learn to see yourself as you would have seen the old Paul – not in a sexual way, but just ‘that’s who I am’ sort of way. At the same time, I want you to keep yourself a journal, and record your thoughts after each session. We will talk about it in our weekly sessions and see how you progress in accepting yourself as you are now and growing more self-confident. OK?”
It actually sounded like a pretty good idea, I nodded enthusiastically and smiled. “Yeah Doc, I think I can handle that!” Though it did seem odd that someone who looks like I do now could be self-conscious, but here I was I guess.
“Good!” She took a moment to jot down some notes, and then leaned close to me again and her smile disappeared. She didn’t look angry, so much as firm. “Now as to the second issue, well legally and ethically I cannot recommend you taking any action with your son of a sexual nature. I’m sure you expected that much.” My smile also disappeared and I nodded slowly. Yeah, I didn’t expect her to give me her blessing. “That said, you are an adult, both physically and mentally. Your son is not. Your son may not totally understand the potential consequences of you two becoming intimate or sexual partners. I realize, physically, and to some extent mentally, you very much want sexual contact with your son. I realize too, that both of you being teenagers, you are at or near your sexual peaks and this is the age when you are most likely to experience many sexual partners in quick succession. I know you may think your son is ‘the one’ or he might even feel the same about you. But at your current physical ages, most of your urges are based on nothing more than lust and infatuation.” She paused briefly to see how I would react to that. I turned back to looking at my hands again. “I’m just trying to be honest with you Paul, I hope you can appreciate that.”
I weakly nodded, and barely in above a whisper, I said, “I do, and deep down I know that’s the reality of it, but how do I deal with these feelings? I don’t know how to turn them off!” I said, exasperated, and starting to feel my eyes welling up with tears, mainly from the thought of losing contact with my son.
Almost like she was reading my mind, she asked, “What are you most afraid of with all of this Paul?” giving me that inquisitive look shrinks are so good at.
“I don’t want to lose my son, I don’t want to lose Michael. He’s the last thing from my old life I care about. Without him, I’m not really Paul anymore, I’m just Thomas Lancaster… And if that’s the case, I might as well move to the other side of the country and pretend Paul never existed at all.” I said, openly sobbing.
And then she asked that oh so common shrink question, “And how would that make you feel? If you moved away and left your old life behind?” She said, still looking my way when I timidly looked up to meet her gaze.
“It would make me feel like shit. How do you think it would make me feel? I’d feel like a selfish little prick wanting to leave my old life behind entirely because I am too chicken shit to face my new reality and grow the fuck up.” I clenched my hands together so tightly I saw them starting to change color. “I don’t want to abandon my family. Even if I don’t feel the same way I did about them before, it’s a shitty sort of man that leaves his family behind when they still need him, all because he’s unable to deal with his own crap.”
“Paul, I don’t think you have to leave your family behind. But these are massive changes all of you will have to learn to deal with. And it will involve absolute honesty on everyone’s part. I know that will probably be the toughest part – not because you want to lie to any of them, but because you don’t want to hurt any of them – and I totally get that. That shows you do still care about them to some level.” She paused again, and when I looked her way, she was giving me a hopeful smile, but I still didn’t feel like smiling.
“That’s all well and good Doc, but that doesn’t help me with my Michael urges.” I said, flatly.
“That… will unfortunately take a lot of time to work through. And to be totally honest, I would recommend I work with both of you on that. Maybe I can be the unbiased third opinion that can convince Michael how dangerous pursing a sexual relationship with you can be. Even if you were both over 18, I would very much caution against it knowing the sort of damage those sorts of relationships can have on one or both parties.”
“But Doc, honestly, this isn’t like a typical incestuous relationship, right? I mean, look at me, I’m not Paul anymore, not physically anyway, and anymore I barely feel like Paul mentally either. I’m not the man who fathered Michael almost 18 years ago. I’m not the man who raised him, who was there to watch him grow up. I’m not Michael’s father anymore.”
“Physically, you are correct. But even if you don’t feel like Paul at all anymore, Michael may still see some of his own father in that new form. And that alone might be enough to cause some serious mental damage down the road, if not for you, then for Michael.” She paused, tapping her notepad again with her pencil.
“But what if he doesn’t?” I asked, “What if he only sees me as Thomas now? He told me he had a crush for years on Thomas – would that infatuation be enough for him to ignore his father is in this form and see me as Thomas and only Thomas?”
“Again, like you just said, ‘infatuation’. It’s entirely possible he could see you as Thomas alone, sure. But then what happens when his infatuation fizzles out? What happens if your feelings for him begin to diminish and you find yourself seeking out new sexual partners? Do you really want to make your own son jealous and feel rejected that he’s no longer good enough for you? Or vice versa, if he starts to move on and you end up the jealous one feeling rejected by your own son? Can you understand how devastating that would be for either one or both of you?”
My hands were throbbing at this point as tightly as I was clenching them, but I finally released them, flexing my fists a few times to restore the feeling in them. She was right, of course. I couldn’t stomach putting my son through that, or myself for that matter. But I had to learn how to cope with it.
“So what should I do, Doc?” I asked, looking her dead in the eyes. I needed an answer, a solution. I needed to know how to prevent more pain for my family, especially with my son coming to visit me alone in only a few more hours.
“I know it’s going to be a real test of your self-control and restraint, but you need to do your best to refrain from any other sexual contact with your son. Now that I’ve explained to you some of the potentially bad outcomes, I hope you will make the right choice. Also, I would like to speak with Michael together with you then next time he is available so I can also explain some of this to him and find out some of his thoughts on it all, if you think he would be OK with that?”
I nodded, “I will see him after school today, so I can ask if he’s willing to meet with you if you are available this afternoon?”
She reached for her phone, I assume to look through her calendar, and seeing she had a spot available that afternoon, “I can see you both at four, if that works?” She asked, looking up at me.
His practice usually doesn’t go that late, so he should be here by no later than 3:45, “Yeah, that should work. I’ll text him to make sure and let you know if that changes.”
“Good!” She said, jotting down a reminder for herself then looking up at me again, “Well, it looks like our hour is about up. Remember Paul, we’re here for you, all of us, so if you need anything or ever need to talk to anyone, just ask. OK?”
I nodded and smiled, “I appreciate that Dr. Hilton I really do. I just want to get better with, well, all of this strangeness.”
“I have no doubt you will Paul, we’ll work at it little by little and I’m confident before you know it, you’ll be the happy well-adjusted young man you look like externally now.” She stood up and I shook her hand, “I’ll see you at four then, and like this time, I’ll meet you at the nurse desk.”
I nodded, “Thanks Doc, see you then!” and she left.
For a minute or so, I just stared at the ceiling. In my mental exhaustion, I just wanted to nap, but I could tell I was already starting to get hungry again, and it was about lunchtime. It probably didn’t help that I could smell something amazing wafting in from the nurse stand. I also remember Jeremy wanted me to see him after, so maybe we could grab some lunch together?
I reached over to my phone, and sent a quick text to Michael:
“Hey Michael, odd question, but it’s really important to me. Can you meet with one of my docs this afternoon at 4?”
I waited for a response, then a minute later:
*Ding* “Sure, I should be able to do that. Everything OK?”
“Yep, just need to talk about us is all.”
No response for almost two minutes, then:
“OK…”
*Ding* “Like family stuff, or US us?”
Kid’s too damn smart for his own good sometimes, and I couldn’t lie to him.
“About US us.”
*Ding* “You told them!”
*Ding* “Why would you do that?!”
“They’re not gonna tell anyone about this, but it’s something we have to deal with Michael.”
Another couple of minutes, and I was starting to freak out. Did I just fuck everything up?
*Ding* “I don’t know what to say to that.”
Fuck…
*Ding* “I’m sorry Thomas, I’m ok now, I was just freaked out is all. If they’re not going to tell mom anything, then OK, I’ll meet them with you. I’ll do it for you Thomas.”
Thomas again… Should I feel happy at that or not? Should I tell him now to call me Dad and not Thomas, or would that be worse? Maybe that’s something I’ll bring up to Dr. Hilton when he’s here instead.
“OK, good. I appreciate that Michael, it really means a lot to me. I’ll see you later!”
I was about to head out the door when I heard a ding again,
“You mean a lot to me Thomas, more than you’ll ever know. So whatever it takes to make you happy, I’ll do it.”
And just like that, I was falling in love with my own son again. This was going to be a very difficult conversation this afternoon. For once, I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him knowing that the end result might be breaking his heart. I shook my head, tried to clear the negativity, and took a deep breath. I walked down the hall and knocked on Jeremy’s door.
“Come in” I heard him say, as I walked in, “Hey man! How did it go with Dr. Hilton?” Then he looked at his watch, “Hold that thought, it’s lunchtime, let’s chat on the way and over some food.” He stood up after locking his computer and I stepped aside to let him pass, following him down the hall to the elevator and repeating our steps just a few hours ago.
As the door closed, “OK, so did meeting with her help at all?”
Staring straight forward, I said, “Yes and no…”
“OK give me the good news first then.”
“She wants me to work on building my self-confidence, she thinks my attraction to guys like me is because I haven’t come to terms with who I am yet myself.”
He nodded and smiled, “You know in a weird way, that kinda makes sense. We are sometimes attracted to what we feel we lack. On the positive, we look for someone who has the strengths to combat our weaknesses, real or perceived. So yeah, I can see that.”
I looked up at him and smiled, “I just hope I don’t become conceited when I finally do accept my new reality.” I looked over myself and laughed, “I mean, look at me, all of this could end up going to my head, after all.”
He laughed at that too, “Yeah yeah, I get it, you’re a young muscle stud. But I think you have the maturity to realize the physical form is just one aspect of who you are. If anyone knows this, it’d be someone who went through what you just went through, let’s be honest.” He smiled, “OK and what’s the bad news?”
And at that moment the door opened to our floor. We stepped out, then stood to the side of the door to let some other people enter. When the door closed and they were on their way, I started, “She wants to meet Michael along with me this afternoon. And I told Michael the reason why. He flipped out at first, but I think he’s ok with it now, if a bit cautious – not that I blame him, considering…”
“’Nuff said Paul, I get it. I’m just glad he’s ok with meeting her with you, that’s a good sign. That at least means he’s open to doing something that will ultimately help you, and help him out too, to be honest.” He gave me a warm big brotherly smile.
I looked away down the hall, defeated, “Yeah… I guess… It just doesn’t feel good to me.”
He put his hand on my shoulder, forcing me to look him in the eyes again, “Paul, it’s going to be OK. Things have a way of working out for the best. Just gotta think positive and never give up. Think of where you’d be right now if I let my doubts defeat me? You probably wouldn’t be standing here talking to me if I gave up too soon. Right? So just keep at it, keep pushing forward, keep working on you, and you’ll overcome everything troubling you right now. Capisce?”
“Yeah…” I sighed, “I just don’t want to hurt him is all.”
“And so long as you truly believe that, I don’t think you ever will.” He removed his hand causing me to look his way again, seeing that same brotherly smile from before, “So smile for me dammit, you’re alive, you have a family who cares deeply for you, and hell, you look like a teen fitness model – shit ain’t all that bad, right?”
I chuckled, and couldn’t help but smile at that, “Yeah, I guess you’re right Jeremy.” I exhaled, trying to get my heart rate back under control, “And hey, thanks…”
He patted me on the back, “Sure thing man, that’s what I’m here for. We only want the best for you!”
Then we started to walk toward the cafeteria. I could hear the buzz of dozens of people eating and chatting, it was pretty crowded this time of day. Jeremy and I stood in line waiting to choose our entrée. I went with some pasta and meatballs with a little salad on the side and a protein drink. Seemed like something I should eat. He got a little grilled sandwich and some soup with a tea.
Once again, we found a small table in the corner, but with all the people around, not as much privacy as a few hours ago. Despite that, we talked about what we could. Mainly that if I felt up for it, he could get me into the staff gym this evening – it was less busy after 8pm he told me, and that he’s proud of all the progress I’ve made. Physically, I never really felt all that “injured”, and I guess technically I really wasn’t other than whatever injuries Thomas sustained before my brain was placed in his body – not that I could really tell where he was injured at this point. So either Jeremy has some amazing healing powers, or Thomas heals pretty quickly anyway. It’s just sad he had to sacrifice his life for an old fart like me. I was just about to ask about why Thomas couldn’t be saved when Jeremy distracted me with a really goofy question.
“So, were you right or left handed before?” He asked with a slight smirk.
“Right.” I responded immediately.
“Oh really? That’s interesting…” He said with a mischievous grin as I saw him staring at my left hand holding my fork.
“Oh shit!” I exclaimed, nearly dropping the fork on the floor, “I didn’t even realize. What the fuck?” I said just loud enough to draw the attention of the elderly couple sitting a table away from us. I looked their way, “Sorry.” The man looked stern, but the woman just smiled like I was any other rambunctious kid.
“Calm down man. Yeah, it’s weird, but it seems the body really does have memories of its own. Between that and your new… um, outlook, it seems like you carried over some stuff from Thomas. I wouldn’t recommend this right away, but I’d be curious if you’d be amazing at gymnastics as well?” He shrugged.
We finished our meal, but all of that really got me to thinking. Maybe Thomas isn’t entirely gone, and maybe I’m not entirely Paul anymore as a result? On our way back to the elevator, I saw how nice a day it was outside and told Jeremy I wanted to go for a walk alone if that was OK. He agreed and suggested not going too far from the Hospital, but suggested a little shopping center with some stores about two blocks to the West if I was interested.
I left the hospital and saw the sun in the sky and felt the warmth and breeze on my new skin for the first time. It was something else, that’s for sure. I can’t quite describe the experience, but I imagine it’s what babies feel like the first time they go outside. I wasn’t too familiar with the area around the hospital, but I figured out which way was West and walked along the street on the South end of the hospital. I saw the shopping center, one I had only been to a handful of times previously but not for several years. It was much larger and more packed than I remember. Not quite the size of a full blown mall, but one of those outdoor shopping plazas they are putting up more often with probably a half dozen or so big buildings packed with stores of all kinds.
I took a deep breath and walked toward the first store I saw, which ironically enough, was a big sporting goods store. Part of me really wanted to try on some athletic gear and new shoes. And so for the next hour, that’s exactly what I did. Then the same thing over at the apparel store with clothing geared toward teens. It felt amazing to try on new clothes, and get a feel for how I look in vastly different outfits than I was used to wearing. That alone was almost an out of body experience.
Oddly enough, I didn’t get turned on at all, but I was starting to feel more confident with every new outfit and seeing how nicely they fit my new body. There were even a few teen girls checking me out and giggling. They were cute, but of course, did absolutely nothing for me. Even the guy helping me at the third store I hit up (a store that sold clothes more like what Michael likes to wear) didn’t stimulate me at all, despite being a pretty handsome young man himself – maybe early 20s, average height and slightly athletic build. Dark hair and eyes, and a very nice smile. Travis was his name on his tag, super friendly, but I was fairly certain he was straight, and sure enough, he started talking about how his girlfriend bought him this exact same shirt and how good it looks and how comfortable it is. He was right, but I didn’t end up buying anything that day. Mainly because I didn’t want to carry a bunch of stuff back to the hospital, but also because I wasn’t sure how much money was on my card anymore. I’d have to look that up before I decided to buy anything, lest I end up spending too much and end up hurting my family with my shopping spree. Besides, Michael was going to spot me some clothes this afternoon anyway, I’m sure that will be fine in the short term.
Sigh… Michael. And just as I started thinking about him, I instinctively reached for my phone and saw a missed text from him.
“Practice is cancelled, so I can be there by 3 if that’s ok?”
“Hey, sorry I missed this, yeah, that’s fine. I’ll be here *smiley emoji*”
*Ding* “You better be stud *kissing emoji* I have some cool stuff for you to check out.”
“Cool, I’ll see you soon!” I didn’t want to send anything suggestive back. I was trying really hard to avoid leading him on, Hell, leading myself on.
I looked at the time and saw it was already 2:24, so I went ahead and did one more lap of the shopping center before making my way back to the hospital, arriving with about six minutes to spare. I kicked off my Nikes and laid on my bed to rest my feet a little, closing my eyes with my hands resting on my abs. Then I heard a knock. “Come in” I said. And there he was, looking as handsome as ever. My son, my Michael.
“Oh sorry, were you napping?” He said as he closed the door behind him, a heavy gym back slung over his bare shoulder uncovered by his singlet straps. He was wearing some windbreaker pants, wrestling shoes, and a backwards ball cap otherwise. In his other hand, he held a plastic bag with what I could see as multiple clothing items inside.
I looked his way and smiled, “No, I actually just got back from walking over to that little outdoor mall down the street.”
“Oh yeah?” he said with a smile, “How was it?”
“It was good, first time being outside since, well all of this, so that was nice. I tried on a lot of different clothes, seeing how things fit on me now.”
He whistled, “Damn, I would have liked to have seen that.” He said with a wink. “I bet you looked amazing!”
I chuckled at that. Then as I moved toward the edge of the bed to get up, facing away from him looking at the window, he’d already dropped his bags, and came up behind me and gave me a very tight hug, kissing me all up and down my neck. “Sorry Thomas, I can’t help it. Every time I see you, it just does something to me I can’t control it.” I could smell the combination of his sweat and deodorant, and it too was doing something to me once again. I just want to melt into his strong muscular arms, Hell, I wanted him to throw me down on the bed and make love to me. But I had to resist. I couldn’t push him away, so instead, I just didn’t react until he pulled back.
“Are you OK babe?” he asked, with pain in his voice.
“Yeah Michael, it’s just, until we talk to my Doc, I don’t think we should do anything… like that… you know?” I said, during a quarter turn to look him in the eyes. I could see the hurt as well as the understanding in his eyes.
“No, I get it. I won’t lie, I don’t like it. I want you so much Thomas. I love you, and I want to be with you, I always have!”
“Michael, I made a mistake, can you not call me Thomas anymore? I know I look like him, but I’m not Thomas, I’m your dad. Inside this body you’ve wanted to be with for years is your father’s brain. You understand?”
He plopped himself in the nearby chair, slumped down. Looking like I broke his heart, and I probably did. “I get it Dad, I know this is all weird for both of us. I’ve been thinking about it, and maybe I’m being selfish, because now that you’re Thomas, I think I can have him finally. You’re right, you’re not Thomas – But you’re not my dad anymore either. Admit it, you’ve thought the same right? My dad wouldn’t have done any of the stuff you’ve done with me. You’re someone new, you’re not my dad, and you’re not Thomas, you’re somewhere in between, or something totally different.”
He sighed and then looked up at me with wet eyes, not fully crying yet, but just on the edge of it. “I’ve been lonely for so long, had to hide who I was, from you, from mom, from Trevor, from the guys at school. People already suspect since I never had a girlfriend, never wanted one, but I tried my best to explain it away as being too busy for one too. Sometimes that worked, but there are guys who work just as hard as I do, or harder, and they have girlfriends. I’m almost 18, almost an adult, and I’ve never been with anyone, at all, guy or girl.” He moved the chair closer and reached out for my hand, “I told you before I want it to be someone special, someone who gets me.”
He looked me hard in the eye, released my hand and then leaned back in the chair again. “I wasn’t totally honest with you, or at least I didn’t tell you everything about when I met Thomas.” He paused, looked up at the ceiling and then said, “When I met him, I was only 15 then, he was 16. As soon as I saw him, I couldn’t help but follow him around like a puppy dog. I was probably overly friendly, pestering him asking him all sorts of questions, when all I really wanted was for him to meet me in the locker room and, well, you can imagine.” He said with a horn dog smirk. “Anyway, he totally blew me off. Sure, he was friendly at first, but I think he knew I was into him like that. I had no idea he was gay, I was just hoping he might be curious and mess around a little. Or at the very least I was hoping me and him could be friends and I could see him more often. I really wanted to just be around him all the time.” He paused, and looked down at his feet, “Anyway, I overheard him talking to a friend of his. And…” he sighed, “And he said, ‘that fucking beaner ass kid keeps harassing me, I’m gonna beat his spic ass.’” Michael looked up at me with tears in his eyes, one rolled down his left cheek. I could only look back in astonishment. Hell, I wanted to beat myself up for treating Michael like that.
“Anyway, after that, I avoided him. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes anymore. I was devastated. Here was my first crush, and he went and said something that hurtful about me. I mean, yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have bugged him as much, but-”
I cut in at that point, furious at, well, myself? “No, fuck that! Even if you were being annoying, that gave him no right to say something like that. I’m sorry you had to hear that, but some people are assholes son. If I had known then, I would have done something.”
He shook his head, “No, it’s not even that. You don’t understand, even for as much of a jerkass as he was, I was still infatuated with him – and for some retarded reason, I was even more into him after that – maybe because I could never have him?” Then he looked up at me, “But now he’s here, and he’s not the jerkass he was before because it’s my dad inside, the only man that ever unconditionally loved me, the only man who truly believed in me and supported me… Even when I was being a little shit.” He said with a smirk.
I stood up and pulled him into a hug as he started to cry on my shoulder. “Son, of course I love you. You’re my baby boy, you mean the world to me. I’ll never hurt you like that!” He hugged me back tightly, just a platonic hug, I could tell, and even my “little Thomas” wasn’t reacting in any way sexual. Once again, we were father and son, sharing an emotional moment.
We stood like that for probably two minutes before he broke off, wiping the tears from his eyes and face. I smiled at him as he smiled at me. “Thanks Dad. I’m sorry about that.”
“No, no need to apologize Michael, I’m glad you told me.”
“Phew!” he said with a chuckle, “OK, so I brought you some outfits, how about you go try them on.” I made my way over to his bags to see what he brought as he pulled on my shoulder, “On the condition you show me how you look in my gear…” He said, clearly thinking with his dick once again.
Sigh, fine, I think I can handle a little fashion show at least. “Sure bud, I can do that.” I said with a smile. I took the bags with me into the bathroom “But I’m changing in here!” I said, closing the door behind me.
“Pfft, that blows! Fine, I guess I can accept that. We only have about thirty minutes left, so you’ll have to be quick about it, I put five of my favorite outfits in there, well my favorite outfits I outgrew, so they might be a little-”
“A little tight?!” I said barely breathing, “Yeah, I can tell!”
“Let me see!”
I walked out with my belly button showing and the nice Adidas tank top barely containing my broad back and pecs. Michael immediately started cracking up, “OK, OK… So obviously that outfit won’t work.” He said rolling his eyes.
“You did that on purpose, didn’t you, you little shit?” I said, barely able to move in the shirt.
“Maybe…” he said, sheepishly. “Honestly I didn’t know it would be that tight on you, I expected it to look like it was painted onto your muscles – Instead it looks like it’s cutting off your circulation!” He laughed again. “OK, here, let me help you out of it.” He said, slowly lifting it off of me so as to avoid tearing it. But deliberately moving his hands up my bare chest and making a point to rub my exposed nipples.
“Dude!” I said, batting his hand away. “Not fair!”
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist. OK OK, try on the other ones, they aren’t as tight, I promise you. And be sure to try those shoes, I think those will work.”
And he was right, the rest of the outfits fit pretty well on me. What were probably baggy on Michael (since that was his style) ended up fitting me just right. And he was right on the shoes, and they were so broken in and comfortable, I decided to wear them instead of those low top Nikes I’ve been wearing the last day.
I picked out a gym type outfit to wear later tonight and set it aside, then I put the rest of the gear in a folded pile on the nearby table. I couldn’t help but notice that Michael also left me one of his singlets (unwashed) and some of his underwear (also soaked with his sweat and funk from heavy workouts) but I didn’t mention them – that would be my little treat to myself later I decided. Just as I finished putting my new gear away and Michael was in the bathroom, well I know exactly what he was doing, but I ignored it, I stepped out to meet with Dr. Hilton.
She was there and ready, I invited her into my room just as Michael was leaving the bathroom. If she suspected anything happened between us, she didn’t mention it. Instead, she brought herself a chair from the next room and took a seat in the corner facing the two of us. She looked at Michael and completely straight faced, she said, “So you’re Paul’s son? Funny, I don’t see the resemblance.” She held that for a minute before cracking up, “Gotcha!, Just trying to break the ice is all.” Michael looked stunned, but I was already used to this master poker player so I joined in laughing myself. “I’m Doctor Hilton, and I just want to start by saying, anything you tell me stays with us. I won’t even tell Dr. Jenkins or any of the other staff here anything we discussed unless you tell me to, OK?”
We both nodded in agreement. Michael giving me a look like, “What did I get myself into?” I just looked back and shrugged as if to say, “You’ll be fine man, just go with it.”
“Good, so first off, let’s just get straight into it. Michael, do you really want to have a sexual relationship with your own father?”
Holy crap Doc! I looked at Michael and he looked like he was about to faint. Dr. Hilton wasn’t messing around on this one it seems.