Dear Clarice,
Happy Birthday! Your birthday present will be two cats, male and female. This lineage is particularly blessed by the goddess (not me, the actual goddess) to bring good fortune, so no neutering! You'll want to foster this breed. They'll be delivered once they're weaned.
Also, by the time you get to this part of the message, your body will have regressed twenty years and be in peak physical condition. Enjoy! I've also restored your libido to its peak, so let me know if you need any help in that department!
The new energy sources I've accelerated the development of should take care of the climate change problem, but several of the oil and automobile executives on Darcy's list who have been lying about the issue for decades will find themselves transformed into donkeys over the next few days (I figured it was appropriate to let them haul and carry in a renewable fashion!)
Regards,
Taylor
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Clarice closed her email and looked down at her renewed body. Wow, she thought, I'd almost forgotten what it's like to be horny.