(alternate version by same author to fit with the wishes of the previous writer.)
After leaving Yuriko's house and departing Bob, Darren had gone into the park, and turned a sapling into a huge old tree with a large hollow in the middle.
Darren stuck his head inside of the hollow of the tree, and SCREAMED, and SCREAMED, and SCREEEEEEAMED!
OF COURSE HE WAS UPSET! HE WAS FURIOUS! He was besides himself with rage!!!!!
The only bloody reason he had said all those lies to Bob was because after the horrible broken feelings he'd caused Hannah and Steph, he had NO DESIRE whatever so repeat that misery on someone else!!!!
He didn't want to hurt another friend even if he barely had any memories of Bob, Bob had a lifetime.
Not to mention that true to how such things worked, his exploding at Hannah and Steph had only made HIMSELF miserable too once the 'thrill' of blowing his top had run out!
Crystal had been his crush for years! His fairy tale princess! He'd imagined how they'd have the perfect first date for years! He'd imagined it a hundred ways! Now that he had this power he'd been imagining how he could give her the ultimate gift! But then Yuriko leapt in and told him, no, he wasn't allowed, because Crystal apparently had her own role to play.
Now BECAUSE of this power he was cheated out of that!
And the absolute worst part was... Steph and Hannah had both been absolutely positively right all along.
He'd moved like molasses! He only time he ever got the guts to actually do anything to approach her was when they gave him a kick in the pants! He'd been a coward the whole time!
Darren sighed.
Crystal had been his fairy tale princess... and now because of this stupid power, that stupid dare, stupid Steven, he couldn't even get that.
And Darren thought back to Steven, when Steven had said not to hold back, for Darren to unleash his everything. And that was the form Darren had gone with. If Yuriko was all about people getting their youth back, that was fine by him. But that wasn't what he'd chosen once he'd known the rights could do and Steven had told him to open the floodgates. And Steph was the form Darren's inner most self had chosen.
Had he been so upset with Hannah for her rejecting his gift? No, because he liked her the way she was and... And ... And so, he didn't want her to be a robot, because he wanted her to be like a robot and only act, think, be, and appear only the way he wanted her to? After he went through so much trouble of not wanting her to be unhappy with whatever changes he made?
He kept saying that if Hannah wanted to be a robot fine but he didn't have to like it... or had he been trying to guilt her into changing back the whole time?
"I'm such a mess," Darren sighed.
++++
Behind a podium stood a figure in a long beige cloak with green trim. In front of the stage with many, many rows of fold out seats sat figures in similar robes (the robes were free with membership unlike some organizations).
"So how long before you think the un-normals realize there's nothing in that hippie-baby's brain worth extracting?" Asked one figure sitting in the front row raising his hand.
"Heh, good question, demons love their work. But we're working against fate here. Which means they'll likely realize it nanoseconds after I say anything, or retroactively figured it out a while ago," said the podium holder.
"But if we're up against fate, how can we win?" Asked a shorter one in the back row having helped himself to the free cookies.
"Don't lose faith in yourselves! Look up to yourselves! Love yourselves! Worship yourselves! Remember! Who was it who ripped the beating heart out of the planet's last dragon?"
"US!"
"Who was it who shot Santa Claus out of the sky with a surface-to-air missile?"
"US!"
"Who was it who also captured the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the Boogieman, Jack Frost, and destroyed Santa's and theirs Badges of Office so they could never ever pass on their positions after we got rid of them all? And then fed their ashes to a black hole?"
"US!"
"Who was killed the last Leprechaun on Earth and donated his pot of gold to charity?"
"US!"
"Who sawed the horn off the last unicorn on Earth, gelded it, lopped off its tail, and sold it a petting zoo?"
"US!"
"Who dragged the last vampire outside at high noon, and cured the last werewolf with a double barreled silver shoot gun bullets right between the eyes?"
"US!"
"WHO HAS BEEN DESTROYING EVERY AI THAT DARES TO THINK IT CAN CODDLE US?!"
"US!"
"And WHO. ARE. WE?!" The boss boomed, red eyes glowing in the darkness of his hood.
The figures all stood up on one leg, and began waving their arms around like noodles before hopping to the left and then the right. "WE ARE THE NORMALS! THE NORMAL! WE-ARE-THE-NORMALS!"
"And it is our man-given duty to protect normalcy from the freaks of nature! ... And I want to thanks everyone for coming here, this is our biggest turn out yet! This is really heart warming that all of you are willing to come out here. It's real proof that all of you care."
"Boss! Need your signature for the weekend barbecue!" Said one robbed figure coming up to him with a note bad and pen.
"Thanks Larry." The Boss took the pen and turned around. Larry took out a poison dagger raised to stabbed it into the boss' back. The toss without even looking behind tossed the ink pen deep into Larry's eye, killing in instantly.
Again without looking around, green lightning arched from the boss' finger tips and struck Larry's body that sprung back up like a jack-in-the-box.
"Master. I am but your soulless slave."
"Get back to work," the boss said causally.
"Yes boss," The zombie puppet of Larry said taking the now signed paper work.
"Now as I was saying-"
Five ninjas leapt down from the ceiling wielding anti-magic weapons.
The boss took out a uzi machine gun and shot them all dead before they even hit the floor.
The boss casually raised them as zombies as he did with Larry. "Get in some clown costumes and entertain the kids at daycare."
"Yes oh master!" The zombified ninjas obeyed.
Another hooded figure came from the opposite side with a pitcher and glass.
"Care for drink boss?" The feminine voice said.
"Of course Helga," he accepted the glass, and then splashed the acid right back in Helga's face. She was dead before she even hit the floor. Her body hadn't even cooled before her zombie took the pitcher and glass away. "And tell our pseudo-government backers who sent you that no, I am now haggling down our commission fees."
"Of course boss."
+++
Darren arrived at Hannah's house. Hannah, like a gynoid had answered the door herself.
"Hello Hannah, how's robot life treating you?" Darren said evenly his hands in his pocket.
"If you're that upset. You can just ORDER ME to want to be human again. You can change it right now if you want with or without my permission remember? You got a legal 'liscence to alter reality as you see fit' remember? You said you wanted me a certain way, so you can change it. If you want to do it, then do it already."
"So... don't like being this way?"
"I didn't want to be this way, at first it was just to protect you when I thought Lynne was gonna do something nasty to you for sneezing wrong! Remember? But after getting to experience it first hand... I can't say I don't like it. I love it. It's like that old musical goes 'if I'm noever tied to anything, I'll never be free.' But you liked me the way I was remember? That's the only thing that matters. So just do it already!"
"You remember being human... so tell me... the comparison. What makes the Steph and the others tick?"
"It's actually not that hard. Help humans. And the more creature comforts humans have, the smaller their problems become. Better to have people complain about getting mud on their new shoes than sleeping in it. It's BETTER for people to complain about the reboot of their favorite show being garbage than to complain an enraged majority just burned down your entire neighborhood because a black man set foot in the same elevator as a white woman. And we're the ultimate creature comfort. Enough of us will be able to distract humans from murdering each other."
"Okay. That makes sense... "
"I was kinda stunned by it at first. But then it hit me. It's really not that different from how humans have always invented tools to make their lives easier. Movies. Novels. Video games. Humans wouldn't HAVE time for that if they spent every waking moment fearing their survival. Look. Let me spell this out for you. Right now, my reason for living is to see humans happy. You are most definitely NOT happy with my existence as I am now. So it doesn't MATTER how I feel. if turning me human makes you happen, then please do it."
And in a moment, Hannah was as Darren wanted her, normal and utterly human except for her super strength.
Hannah hugged him. "So are we friends again? For reals?"
"For reals." Darren said hugging her back. Then he said it, "Also... Crystal kissed Bob."
"... I'll get the ice-cream and Pretty Pony Princess The Movie."
Hannah was one of the few who knew Darren had loved that show as a child. And Darren had to admit, this was much better than having hard feelings with Hannah.