"Goblin Town!? Are you kidding?!" Ann asked.
"It's dirt cheap, and has nothing but glowing reviews... erm, from the more, 'adventurous' couples... it says 'what happen in gobbo town, stay in gobbo town.'"
"Are you sure that wasn't just some goblin spam-bot?"
"Since when are goblins smart enough to program a spam bot? It says 'nothing is off limits' and 'if it exists, we can find it, if it doesn't exist, we'll take just a little bit longer.'"
"That feels a bit ominous."
"Oh come on! We're gonna be paying tourists! And everyone is gonna know where we went. It's not like we're walking into a dragon's den or something. It'll be fun to what the green little weirdos are like face to face!"
Ann sighed. "Fine dear. But if anything happens, remember it was your idea."
"Come on, we already faced an evil conspiracy and evil overlords, don't you think we're due for a break?"
---
The first thing Ann and Jackie noticed was the smell, it was like compost had been dumped everywhere.
"When they say no taboos, they mean no taboos," Ann said.
"It's not so bad."
It was raining, neon signs were everywhere, every other advertisement or piece of public art definitely not safe for work. There were shops for everything, 'weapons from fallen empires' 'exotic pets' 'Adult Toys' 'pirate VHS tapes' (that was the actual name of the store).
Goblins hurried about their lives, their high pitched voices turning into a din. And as advertised, goblins had no modesty, though nearly all had tattoos or jewelry of some kind. One goblin slipped, and he fell on a metal pipe right between the legs... got up and dusted himself off, and the metal pipe now had a dent on it!
"Guess that's why they don't worry about wearing clothes," Ann observed.
"It's kinda fun honestly," Jackie remarked.
Ann's eyes were draw to the clean, shiny store front near the port, the neon sign flashing garishly 'Kiiri's: yummies, drinkies, watchie-picture-box, ask for little goldie for big big fun!'
Ann took Jackie's hand. "Come on, any port in the storm."
The doors, like most in the town square where the portal was located, were made to be big enough to allow human size visitors.
Inside were more gobbos, many betting on a horse race on a black and white TV, and breaking into a self-contained brawl when their horse lost. There were other visitors from across the realms, all bigger than the goblins, and more than acting like they owned the place.
Sitting behind the bar on a table was a female goblin kicking her legs as she looking at an old scroll. She was a naked short-stack like the rest of the goblins here, but with a giant mane of red hair that went down her neck. A pair of large looped gold earrings hug from her bat like ears, and a bar-tender's apron (making her the most dressed goblin present).
---
There were some basic rules when dealing with tourists in Gobbo town:
'Keep up the 'No Take Candle!' persona. They eat it up. And pay more for it.'
'Don't let them catch on to how advanced we really are.'
'Don't provoke the utter extermination of our species.'
Kiiri accepted this as the best way to keep the tourist trade going, and to comb through visitors for potential new gobbos. They didn't transform every tourist who came through, they was just bad business.
There was an old saying, 'Stray dogs were often respected more than goblins.'
Goblins were not magically inclined, -humans- had more magical aptitude than goblins. One of yet another reason the other realms looked down on them.
'You should just accept it's your place to serve, like the kobolds,' Kiiri had been told in her life.
'Kobold... ugh. I think we gobbos are the only ones who remember Kobolds weren't always little lizard creatures. They once be a race descendant from fae/goblin hybrids... then the dragons got their claws on them.' If not some of the goblins' quantum tech, they'd likely not remember the old reality of what Kobolds had been either.
Kiiri looked at what looked like an old weathered scrolled... in reality it was an ultra-thin touch tablet. With face recognition software, she was able to identity the two humans who'd stepped into her pub/inn (strategically placed to be the relatively cheapest and highest scored spot nearest the entrance portal). She paled slightly. These two were mages. Powerful ones. If anything happened to them, they'd have at least two families of mages bearing down on them, so many that the traditional gobbo militia stood no chance... and the mecha-armor gobbo platoon they'd spent a lifetime building and training in secret wouldn't be able to hold on.
But also... her scanners built underneath the floor said these two had a quantum state that had been rewritten and edited so much that it was as soft as jelly. If two of the mages who had saved the realms from mad men had been two GOBLIN wizards... their standing and respect could skyrocket.
Goblins sucked at magic, but it wasn't IMPOSSIBLE for them, but goblins learned to adapt technology to make up for it.
What was reality-altering magic but causing a quantum shift? If she just shifted the quantum state of these two humans so this was their native reality, they'd retroactively have always been goblins, and the best part was, is that since there was no magic involved in the technology they'd build, there was no magical defense against it, and it left no magical residue to be traced or detected.
Of course there was always a risk of the fate simply silencing their reality for goblins daring to try and rise above their station, but after having spent her short life being sneered at by every tourist so they could bask in their own superiority, Kiiri was willing to take the risk. The council had given her permission to use the quantum realignment engine built underneath her business at her discrepancy if it was for the greater good of gobbo. And if anything went wrong, she'd vowed to take any punishment instead of all of gobbo.
Using the touch screen, she activated the quantum engine, targeting the two humans. They shrank down, but their mass remaining, as their hips and breasts expanded. Their clothes dissolved off them as their skin turned a dark green, their finger and toe nails becoming tiny black claws. Their ears grew, becoming like those of a bat sideways. Their noses became larger and pointed, and their teeth became needle like fangs. Their hair grew wild. Their purses and luggage remained, but was much less of it now, and their ID and records (and the memories of those who knew) would show to any time traveler they'd always been goblins.
Ann breathed in deep, enjoying the scent of their beloved home town.
"Thanks for convincing me to take this trip Jackie."
"No problem!" Jackie grinned her mass of needle teeth.
Kiiri felt the new memories of the new reality that had always existed filter into her head, overwriting her old. She waved, "Hey Ann! Hey Jackie! Long time no see!"
"Kiiri! Gobbo!" Ann waved back. The two goblin waddled over the bar, holding in hand in hand.
"Welcome home," Kiiri said causally.
"You know it!" Jackie grinned. "And you all thought I was crazy when me and Anne wanted to visit the human world!"
"Kiiri not expect you to apprentice to Big King Wizard."
"Merlin great teach, her not give up on us, not once say 'not bad for gobbo'." Ann nodded.
"Sounds great for human... oh, Kiiri sorry."
"It okay. Ann know where Kiiri coming from."
"Just great to have you girls back. Kiiri worried you not come back now you big fancy wizards."
"Never happening," Ann nodded, the two sitting their big green rears on the bar stools. "Ann never forget where home is."