Jesse lay on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, still trying to make sense of his tangled emotions. The quiet knock on his door startled him from his thoughts.
“Jess, dinner’s ready.” his dad’s voice came from the hallway, calm but laced with a subtle curiosity, as if sensing something was wrong.
Jesse sighed, dragging himself up from the bed. “Coming.” he mumbled, pushing himself toward the door, every step heavy with the weight of the day.
Downstairs, the scent of roasted chicken and mashed potatoes filled the kitchen, a familiar comfort that usually made him feel at ease. But tonight, that warmth felt muted, like a faint glow barely breaking through the cloud of tension swirling inside him. He sat down at the dinner table, the plate in front of him a blur as he poked at his food without really seeing it. His mind kept replaying the events of the day, trying to find answers that weren’t there.
His dad, seated across from him, kept glancing over. After a few minutes of thick silence, he cleared his throat. “You’re quiet tonight, Jess.” he said, his tone probing but gentle. “Everything okay?”
Jesse’s pulse quickened, and he forced himself to look up, his face a careful mask of neutrality. “Yeah, I’m fine.” he replied, but even to his own ears, his voice sounded stiff, unnatural. The tension in his chest tightened.
His dad wasn’t convinced. He leaned forward slightly, his brow furrowed with concern. “You’ve been acting different lately. Distracted. Is something going on? You can talk to us, you know.”
Jesse’s heart pounded harder. The weight of his dad’s gaze made it feel like the walls were closing in on him. His grip tightened around his fork, his mind racing for a way to escape the conversation. He couldn’t tell them the truth—that his world had been turned upside down, that he wasn’t even sure who he was anymore. How could he explain that he was living someone else’s life, in someone else’s body?
“I’m fine.” he repeated, though his voice wavered slightly this time. He was barely holding it together, and the pressure was mounting.
Just as he thought he might crack, his mom chimed in, her voice softer but knowing. “What’s her name?” she asked with a small smile, her eyes twinkling with a mix of amusement and understanding.
Jesse blinked, confused. “What?”
His mom’s smile widened, clearly thinking she’d caught him in some romantic turmoil. “Come on, Jess. We’re not clueless. You’ve been acting all weird, distracted. It’s gotta be a girl, right?”
Jesse’s mind went blank. His mom thought he was acting strange because of a crush. The idea was so far from the truth that he almost laughed out loud. But then, it hit him. This could be his way out. They were offering him an excuse, something to distract them from the real issue. All he had to do was play along.
The problem was, he didn’t have a girl in mind. In his old world, he’d seen the way girls fawned over boys, heard them gush about crushes. But now he had to pretend it was him feeling that way about a girl. His mind scrambled, and the first name that came to him was Tyler, a girl from school who "Jess" apparently had a crush on in this reality.
“Uh… Tyler.” Jesse blurted out, his face warming under the weight of his parents’ attention. “It’s Tyler.”
His dad raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued now. “Tyler, huh? I didn’t know you were into anyone at school.”
Jesse swallowed hard, his stomach twisting with discomfort. “Yeah, I… I don’t know, I guess I just, um… really like her.” He forced a laugh, trying to mimic the way he’d heard girls in his old world gush about boys. “She’s really cute, and, uh, smart. Plays on the football team. We’ve been talking a lot.”
The words felt alien on his tongue, foreign and wrong, but he pushed through it, desperate to sell the lie. “I just… can’t stop thinking about her, you know? She’s… amazing.” He cringed internally, the act feeling like a betrayal of everything he didn’t understand about himself yet.
His mom’s smile grew warmer, pleased with his “confession.” “Well, I hope she’s a nice girl. You deserve someone good.”
Jesse nodded quickly, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from grimacing. “Yeah, she’s so sweet. Always… saying how pretty I am and carrying my books for me.” He stabbed a piece of chicken, shoving it into his mouth to avoid saying more.
His dad chuckled, some of the tension easing from his expression. “Just don’t let it distract you too much from school, alright?” he teased lightly, his stern tone from earlier melting into something more playful.
Jesse managed a weak smile, grateful that the conversation was shifting. “Yeah, I’ll try.”
As the conversation moved on, his parents started chatting about their days, talking about work and issues around the house. But Jesse remained silent, his stomach knotted with the weight of the lie he’d just told. He felt like a fraud, pretending to be someone he wasn’t, all to avoid the truth that he wasn’t ready to face.
He stared blankly at his plate, his fork still in hand, but the food was tasteless. As the hum of his parents' voices faded into the background, one thought kept echoing in his mind: What if I never figure it out?