Looking around at the sea of laughing faces, feeling my face turn beet red, I glanced at Thomas, see the funny look he has gotten on his face, turn and run out of the cafeteria, silently berating myself, "How can you be so stupid and say something like that out loud?"
Walking down the hall, I see a couple of girls and feel my mind slip. Before I can say anything foolish, I take off running down the hallway and seeing a bathroom, I ducked into it.
Standing in front of the mirror, I look at the reflection of my face. I have long brown hair that falls just past my shoulders and a soft, delicate looking face. Brushing a strand of soft hair away from my face, I step back and gasp at what I see.
It has become apparent that it's more than just a bit of weight loss, for I’ve also shrunk from my normal height of five foot seven down to I'd guess about five foot one. "Well, that would explain why my clothes feel not only baggy, but are also longer," I say as I look into the mirror.
Staring at the mirror, asking myself, "What's come over you man? Why are you acting so....girly?" I am distracted as the door starts to open and I can here the voices of a group of girls entering.
Thinking to myself, "Oh, shit," I duck into one of the stalls and sitting on the toilet, listen as the girls come into the bathroom.
"Did you hear what Marcus Ericson just asked Jessica Raults?" asked one.
"Yeah, I did and I wasn't even there in the cafeteria when it happened. I heard it from Mandy." A second one commented back.
"All I can say is, what a total frickin' weirdo," the third one retorted as I peered out through the crack between the stall door and wall.
Sitting on the toilet, I suddenly become aware that I ducked in this bathroom naturally and my mind must have taken a slip, but I didn't even realize it. "Fuck, how could I be so stupid? I should have noticed that there were no urinals in here!" I think, mentally scolding myself.
Eventually the three girls leave, but I'm to scared to move. Sitting there, I feel my mind take another twist and shaking my head, find that I can not brush this one off. Instead I find myself pulling down my pants and underwear and sitting on the toilet, I began to pee, all the while humming a song from one of Katherine's princess DvDs.
Finishing, I stand, pull up my pants and underwear, flush and go to wash my hands. Leaving the bathroom, I'm suddenly drawn back to the here and now as I hear Thomas saying, "What the fuck do you think you're doing, man?"
Looking around, I see my best mate storming down the hall toward me. Unable to come up with an answer, I take a page from Katherine's book and shrug.
Storm clouds flashing across his face, he hisses at me, "I've come looking for you to ask why you said that to Jessica and here I find you coming out of the girl's restroom. Man, you must be screwed in the head if you're doing stuff like this and asking girls dumb questions like what you asked at lunch."
I shrug again and then start to open my mouth to say something, but Thomas holds up a hand and says to me, "Save it. You know, I can look past the incident with the doll, but this is too much, even for me. When you figure out what the fuck is up, come find me. But make sure you see a shrink first." With this said, he turns and starts to make his way down the hall.
Unsure of what I should do, I listen as the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch period. Sighing heavily, I headed for my next class; math, which I unfortunately don't share with Thomas.
After school, I decide to walk home and arriving there, I throw my backpack down in my room and head for the kitchen for a snack, calling out, "Mom, I'm home." On the counter I see a note, written in my mom's tidy handwriting.
Taking a juice box out of the fridge, I pick up the note and read, "Marcus: Katherine has a dentist and than a doctor appointment. We’ll be home around six o'clock. Try to behave yourself while I'm gone."
Sipping my juice, I decide that I want to play some Playstation Three, but stop halfway to the living room when I remember that the pools are opening up today. Deciding that I'd much rather go swimming, I make my way up to my room and stripping off all my clothes, I look into the full body mirror that is now standing between my desk and dresser.
Reflected back is a fifteen year old male, standing five foot one with brown hair that falls just past the shoulders and soft looking skin. Playing with my soft hair in the same manner that Katherine sometimes does, I suddenly feel my mind slipping and suddenly I want to show up at the pool wearing one of my sister's bathing suits. Shaking my head, wanting to stop myself, I loose the battle of will and skipping to my sister's room, began going through her dresser.
Pulling out a one piece swim suit with a pink and purple swirl pattern, I tuck my penis and testicles between my legs and start to pull it. Next I put on over the swim attire a light purple shirt with a picture of Tinker Bell on it. After that I put on a tight pair of shorts that has no buttons or zippers on it. Selecting one of Katherine's beach towels, it also has Tinker Bell on it, I skip out of the room and back into my room. Looking in the mirror, I think to myself, "I am a pretty three year old girl and even mommy says so," and pull from my change jar the necessary amount to enter the pool.
Next, I head down to the basement and going to the box of clothes I had earlier brought down here from Katherine's room, I stop when I see lying on top the last piece of clothing I brought from her closet; right before the incident with the amulet.
It’s a full length white dress with long white sleeves and a black vest sewn in place over the top. On one of the sleeve is a tag that clearly tells me that this dress is brand new and has never been worn. On the front of the box, I see that my mother has written, 'Katherine, age three', on the side. Knowing my sister's birthday is in October, a month before mine, I wonder briefly why it has taken my mother almost until June to clean the stuff out of the closet. But then I have my answer; my father leaving us and mother taking more shifts at the hospital.
My mind playing tug a war between my fifteen year old self and the girl that I wanted to be, I ask myself, "Why did father have to leave us?" but I'm unable to come up with an answer to this question.
What finally causes me to slip again is when I see the pink and white sandals lying on the basement floor. Squealing with delight, something that is really odd for me, I pull them on and go skipping back upstairs. Seeing that the time is about four o'clock now, I leave the house and head for the pool.
There, I use the woman's side of the changing rooms, rent a locker and padlock and after storing the shorts, sandals, shirt and towel in the locker, I lock it and go swimming.
For the next hour I have fun splashing about and I've even started playing with some girls. And then suddenly my fifteen year old self is back and I see what it is I'm wearing and then realize that I am out in public dressed like a girl. Shaking my head, I climb out of the pool and start heading for the men's changing room, but stop myself.
"If you're dressed like this, chances are that you came out through the woman's changing area." I tell myself mentally.
Entering the woman's room, I head for the locker and opening it, I pull out the towel, sandals and clothes. Ducking into a shower and changing stall, hoping that I hadn't been spotted for what my gender and sex really is, I strip off my swimsuit and begin to run the shower. Afterward, I dry myself off and then ring the swimsuit out.
Putting on the clothes I'd taken from my sister, I see my penis and testicles are hanging out one of the leg holes. Not wanting to cause a stir, I take it all off and put back on the bathing suit; making sure to tuck my penis and testicles back. Next I put back on the shirt and shorts.
Slipping the sandals on, I pick up the towel and exit the woman's locker room.
Rushing home, hoping that my mother and sister aren't home just yet, I dash across the backyard and duck in through the side patio door. As I start walking across the dining room, I hear from the left of me, "Marcus Maurice Ericson! Just what the hell do you think you are doing?"
Looking toward the kitchen, I see my mother standing in the doorway; I am so busted.
Marching across the room, she takes me firmly by the arm and looking at me, she says, "I leave you along for a couple hours and what do I come home to find? You, dressed in your sisters clothes and sopping wet. Judging by the chlorine smell, I'd say you'd been down to the pool. Let me guess, you went swimming in one of Katherine's swimsuits? Just what do you have to say for yourself?"
I can only look at her, unable to say anything. Pulling me along, she takes me to my room and sitting me down in the chair in front of my desk, she tells me, "You’re grounded Marcus. No telly, friends and allowance for a week."
Standing me up, she tells me to get undressed. As I start to do this, she marches out of my room and into Katherine's room. As I listen to her mumbling, "Maybe this will not only teach you, but scare you straight from ever doing something like this again," I pull off the shorts and shirt and toss them into my closet; from the bathroom, I hear my sister humming to herself.
Looking into the mirror, seeing the five foot one fifteen year old reflected back, I ask myself, "How can things get any worse?" as I pull off the swimsuit and toss it onto the closet floor.
Looking back into the mirror, I gasp at what is reflected back. I see my body has stayed pretty much the same except there's something new. Were my penis and testicles are supposed to be, there is nothing but flat, smooth skin with just the smallest hint of a crease/fold.
One time, when I was about thirteen, I accidentally saw my sister naked and the moment I remember this, I instantly know what this is; it's a little girl's exterior genitalia; "I have a vulva or vagina, whichever is the correct term,” I say to myself.