“I get to be my own Clown?!?” Caitlyn asked her mother excitedly.
“Yes, forever too!” Alice told her daughter getting excited for her too.
“Let’s do it now mommy,” Caitlyn told her mother while jumping up and down.
“First we have to make a list honey, of all the clown features you want”
“How come?”
“Because the man said if we read the list as we apply the ointment you’ll end up just how
you want!”
“Okay! I’ll get the paper!”
Alice smiled as her daughter raced from the room, but was quickly interrupted by her older
son Mike. “You really gonna turn the shrimp into a clown?” Mike asked.
Alice looked at her 17-year-old son and smiled. “This is what she wants. You’ve seen all
the clown things she has collected over the years.”
“Yeah, but its forever,” Mike stressed the last word, “It seems a little irresponsible.”
“Hush. The magic will make her happy.”
“Okay you’re the boss.” Mike turned to leave the room when Caitlyn rushed back in with
paper and pencil.
“Mike! Mike! I’m gonna be a clown,” Caitlyn told him excitedly.
“I thought you already were,” Mike teased back.
“Not yet,” she stuck her tongue out, “but wait until my birthday!”
As Mike left to watch TV, Caitlyn and Alice talked about the clown Caitlyn would be, and
after a long time they came up with the list.
Whiteface
Will grow to 5’5”
220 lbs.
Thick Pink Hair neatly styled in ringlets that fell a little past her shoulders
Big red lips that curled into a smile
Black penciled eyebrows
Slight pink blush on her cheeks
Thick black eyeliner whose ends became a line that went onto her cheek and ended with a
swirl design
A Big red nose the size of a tennis ball with nostrils so she can breathe normally
4 fingered hands
Size 35 clown feet
Big stomach
Big butt
White gloves
A pink and white top with thick vertical stripes and whose sleeves were white and ended in
pink ruffles
Big pink bow tied around her pudgy neck
Pink and white skirt that stood out from her body like a poodle dress that came down to
mid thigh
White tight under her skirt
White socks with big pink ruffles on them
Big pink clown Mary Jane shoes
Always bloated so that the slightest squeeze to her body makes him fart
Has the loudest burps in the world ad can win any belching contest
Uncontrollable flatulence, at least once every few minutes, and really stinky
When she sits down his butt make sounds like a whoopee cushion
Shake his belly and calliope music plays
Can stretch her arms 20 ft and her clothes stretch with them
Can fart fireworks when she wants to.
Can ride a unicycle that appears out of her butt with a fart
Knows every clown joke both practical and impractical
Joy buzzer built into her right hand
Squeaks when she walks
Cries seltzer that shoots from her eyes like a cartoon.
Smells like cotton candy
Can shoot confetti from his nose when she sneezes
Can reach behind her back and produce a cream pie for throwing
Perfect aim
Can pull a never ending hanky from her sleeve
Clumsy
Stomach can act as a trampoline she can bounce juggling balls off of
Loves to eat pie and drink seltzer
No pain in her transformation
Loves to be a clown and always wants to entertain
Alice was a little take aback by some of the list items, particularly the weight gain and
flatulence, but relented when Caitlyn explained that fat clowns were the funniest clowns,
and farts are always funny. Alice did show concern about the size of Caitlyn’s new feet, but
again Caitlyn insisted that bigger was funnier. Alice could not say no to her and wrote
down all the items Caitlyn wanted.
“Okay my funny little girl let mommy put on her gloves while you take off your shoes.”
Alice instructed.
“Oh boy!” Caitlyn shouted.
Alice put on the gloves and she and Caitlyn began to read the list together as Alice applied
the ointment to Caitlyn’s feet.