Finnegan's Bar closed to the public on Super Bowl Sunday. It was
reserved for a very special private party. What had started out as
Gordy and Mark's annual party had grown over the years. George
Hannover had become a regular, Tony Vincenzo the guy who had delivered
the pizzas in 2003 had been coming ever since, and then there were the
wives, brothers, cousins, uncles, boyfriends, girlfriends and co-
workers. So finally, the party had relocated to Finnegan's bar. Joe
Finnegan was also a regular at the party. Each year the
transformations got weirder and more wild.
"Gordy is such a Cheesehead," Mark was saying, "I think this year's
transformation when the Packers lose will be for him to spend the week
made of cheese. Next Sunday, I'll have a fondue party," he added
wickedly.
"Cheese? That's the best you can do, Steeler's fan?"
"Oh, what in your dreams will you get in the event the Packers
actually win?"
"Oh, I was thinking that you might look nice transformed into a steel
automaton with a synthetic human coating that can transform into a
Harley Motorcycle. I think I'll ride you cross country for a week.
And when I'm not riding in your saddle, I'll be riding your robot
ass."
"Ooh, that does sound good, Gordy, I may have to rethink my cheesy bet
- I may, if I can think of anything better."
"Haha, I hope you win, Gordy, I'd love to see a real live Tranformer!"
George said with a laugh.
"So what are you and Kevin betting?"
"The usual, you know it's really fun being Kevin's dog."
"Yeah, you've lost every year since you started coming. You were a
German Shepherd, a rottweiller, a chihuahua, and last time a sheep
dog, so what breed will you be this year?"
"Actually, last year was a St. Bernard, I didn't ask Kevin. Part of
the fun is being surprised. Though after being a chihuahua, I don't
think any breed would shock me."
"Hey, which team are you betting on, George? If you've been picking
losers every year, I'm going to pick the other team!" Tony said.
"Can't you tell, George's a Packers Fan, Pizza Boy!" Mark said with a
laugh, "He's rooting for Gordy to win!"
"Actually, I'm taking the Steelers this year," George said softly.
"Then why did you say you hope the Packers win? Oh, yeah, you like
being Kevin's dog..." Mark said with concerned realization that maybe
he would lose this year - considering George's record. He sighed a
relief, "Still odds are that one of these years you're bound to pick
the winning team, George. This year is it. So what will Kevin
transform into when the Packers lose?"
"Hey, I haven't delivered pizzas in over 5 years!" Tony complained.
"Oh, if I win Kevin becomes whichever Hollywood celeb comes out on top
each day when I google sexy young star, or words to that affect. So,
he might be Megan Fox on Monday, and Taylor Swift on Tuesday, and so
on and so forth."
"What if Zac Efron comes up?" Gordy asked.
"Well, I hadn't considered that, I just assumed that hot women would
be the ones that popu up. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come
to it. If he does turn into a sexy young guy, I may invite you over,
Gordy to help with him."
"Gordy'll be cheese remember! But I'd be happy to come over, and play
with your boy toy," Mark chimed in.
Sarah said, "Tony, if my team wins, yo'll be my eunuch slave boy for
the week. You'll be smooth as a Ken doll down there, and the only sex
you'll have is giving me oral pleasure. I think that will be nice for
change."
"Whoa, Sarah!" Tony said unconsciously grabbing his crotch to protect
it.
"Hey, can I get a piece of that action. He's your eunuch slave boy
for a week, and then he's my 12" tall living plastic Ken doll for a
week," said Kurt in his lilting voice.
Sarah high fived Kurt and said, "Ooh, you go, girlfriend."
"Hey, don't I have a say?" Tony whined.
"Only if your team wins, and you haven't picked a team yet have you,
Tony. That's why you wore a gold shirt with blue jeans. You're hoping
to get a clue as to which team will win, but like always you'll choose
wrong," Sarah snapped.
Place your bets, I've got the running fantasy sheet here!" Gordy said
writing down George & Kevin's bet, and turning his attention to Tony,
Sarah and Kurt.
He was interrupted by Joe Finnegan, who said, "Write down if the
Packers win Jake Russell will spend the week as a cue-stick and a cue
ball here in the bar."
"Yeah, and when the Steelers win, Joe here will be a urinal cake in
the first urinal in his own public restroom, and I get to christen
him," Jake said tipping back a cold beer.
"Hey, Gordy, how about side bets on the half time and the
commercials?"
"We'll get to those after we get the team bets. It's getting close to
game time, so get your bets in!"
"I bet jock boy Bill Turner that the Steelers will win based computer
projections," whiz kid nerdy Stephen Cohen wheezed.
"Okay, Bill, what does Stevy become if the Packers win?"
"Oh, sort of like Tony, only his cock is added to my cock. I'm only a
six incher, but Steve's got 8 inches, so I figure I get a 13 inch long
cock for a week. I'd prefer permanent, but hey, I know the rules."
"Either way you end up with a bigger cock then, don't you, Bill?"
"Yeah. I win either way, and he's supposed to be the smart one!" Bill
laughed rolling his eyes as he looked down 14 inches at tiny Stevy.
Old man Taylor griped, "Say, Turner, how about if the Steelers win, I
get one week of your youth. I mean I get to be your age for a week and
you get to be mine."
"What old man? You're like a hundred? I don't know if I'd live a
week at your age?" Bill blurted out.
"Chicken?" Taylor asked.
"No, I'll take your bet, but it's the week following my bet with
Stevy. Oh, and when the Packers cream your Steelers, I think I
wouldn't mind having your cock added to mine," Bill said.
"Oh, you're a six incher? Then you really are bad at math, because 8
plus six are 14 not 13. So your real cock size is probably 5 inches
or maybe less. With your penis envy, I'm guessing that six inches is
an exaggeration," laughed Taylor, "I'll take your bet. Be forewarned,
I already have a foot long cock, so if you're really 6 inches long,
you may have trouble finding any human willing to take your 18 inch
cock. Ha!"
"Bets, bets, place your bets!"
"Ya, know, buddy. If you was a girl, I'd date you. I mean you got
everything I'm looking for in my significant other. You like cars,
football, action films, and beer. Now don't get me wrong, I'm 100%
straight, but I know - I bet if the Steelers win, you become the girl
of my dreams for a week. Sa right, bud?" Chad said in a drunken voice.
He was already on his 4th pint.
"Sure thing, Chad, but when my Packers win, well, you'll be my buxom
girlfriend for a week of hot monkey sex," Rich replied.
"Uh, so you want you and Chad to be monkeys, then?" Gordy asked, "I
was still writing down Taylor and Turner's bets when you were talking.
"Hey, can we do a three way bet?" Carl asked.
"Three way?"
"Yeah, Tanner & Walker are both taking the Packers, but they want to
do a spread bet. If the Packers win by 10 or more Tanner, but they
can tell you that. If the Steelers win, uh, they'll spend the first
week of June as my balls. My scrotum's currently sporting silicone
implants. I had testicular cancer like Lance Armstrong, and now I
take hormone shots. I'm getting married in June, and thought it would
be nice to have real balls again for my honeymoon."
"Uh, okay. Now what happens to you if the Packers win?" Gordy asked.
"Tanner, Walker, get over here and explain."