Well, after all, its Matt's birthday, so you figure you might as well give it to him anyway, no matter what it claims, it cant hurt... right? So with the ointment in hand you get back to your car. Glancing back at the container, you wonder if thats really what it says. The container is nothing special, a small, round and black box, with a lid. You casually open the lid to find the ointment. Well, you think. it cant hurt to try just a little, so you absent mindedly take your index finger and lightly run the ointment onto your finger. Not wanting to make a noticeable dent in the ointment, you are careful not to let it look obvious that you took some.
After collecting the ointment on your hand you place begin to rub it into your forearm and then onto your back and neck, and then onto your chest and arms, and down your legs. It feels much like tiger balm does, so you figure, that it is nothing more than tiger balm. That characteristic cool-burning sensation spreads over your back and neck. You think nothing more of it, and place the lid back on, start your car and drive off. After all, you only took a little bit, he wont notice.
So you get back to your frat house and get to your room to quietly rap Matt's present. The sensation of cool-burning is still there and it feels good, oddly though, it is odorless, you notice this- its not like most tiger balm. After doing a fine rapping job on that little round box with newspaper comics you step back to admire Matt's present. Sitting there you tug on your collar, loosening it a bit.
You realize you need to take a piss so you go to the bathroom and shut the door. As you unbutton your pants you notice they feel a little tight, tighter than normal. You look in the mirror briefly and finish your job. Soon you are finished and you briefly wash your hands and run out the door with Matt's present... you don't want to be late for the party...