Robert could barely hide his relief. In just five short minutes, the gorgeous Allison Timons would finally be naked in his house. In ten she would be screaming his name. He had been waiting for this moment ever since they had started seeing each other four weeks prior. Some girls seemed to savour the early sex free part of a relationship, as if they wouldn’t enjoy the next bit. Robert was confident in sexual prowess. What god had gifted him, he had gained through sweat and practice. He had no doubt when he started dating her that Allison was already well aware of what he was capable of. Yet as the dates wore on and she showed no signs of wanting more than a meaningless kiss at the door Robert had started to wonder what she was looking for.
There was a brief knock at the door. If there was one thing this woman was good at it was punctuality. After counting several seconds in his head, Robert unbutton the top of his shirt and strolled to the front door.
“Hello Sexy,” he called loud enough for all his neighbours to hear, as he swung the door open. The smug smile instantly fell from his face. “Who the hell are you?”
Instead of the smooth skinned, platinum blond chick he had been expected, Robert was face to face with a short, brunette, who’s spotty face needed far more makeup than this girl seemed to realise.
“Robert, we need to talk” said the girl, her voice quivering with nerves.
“Uh, have we met?” asked Robert.
“Yes Robert, we have met…” the girls voice seemed to trail off “… in fact we’re sorta dating.”
“Oh crap!” thought Robert “this must some old girl who didn’t get the break up text.” On second thoughts a girl looking like this was probably a drunken one night stand. Why do women always blow relationship out of proportion?
“Listen, I think you have the wrong house lady and you need to get out of here before my gal turns up…”
“Robert, you don’t get it…” Her hazel eyes welling up with tears. Robert was starting to worry this girl was going to stick around. And no doubt when Allison rode up she would be to distracted by whatever emotional trauma this girl was going through to think about screwing.
“Why don’t I get a friend of mine to drive you to your place or something” Carlos, Eric, Simon one of them owed him a favour. And maybe they would thank him. He had heard that crazy, unattractive girls were often wild in the sack to compensate.
“Robert, it’s me… Allison” said the girl between sobs.
Robert looked again at the girl. And then instinctively he started laughing. As this girl burst into tears Robert retreated back into his house clutching his sides. She followed him in.
“Robert I swear it’s me,” pleaded the cubby girl “I can prove it, ask me anything.”
Robert nearly collapsed with laughter. He decided to play along.
“OK… when’s your birthday?” It was the first question he could think of.
“June 5th” replied the girl quickly.
Robert wasn’t sure what to say. Was she right? He should probably have asked something he knew. What did he know about Allison. The room had become embarrassingly quiet. The girl just stood there, face even more ruined by tears, not saying a word as she wiped her face with a jumper sleeve. Robert realised he’d have to be the one to break the silence.
“Did you always look like that?” he askes without thinking.
The girls face turned to shock.
“Of course I didn’t always look like this” she screamed back. Great, now she was angry. Must be her time of the month.
“Well, if you're Allison, what, you know happened?”…