Throughout the taping for the YouTube blog I was scribbling notes and thoughts down. Jeff hadn't realized that turning me into a gamer gave me a leg up as a strategist. My new memories, and flabbier body told me that I had spent hours upon hours analyzing situations and potential benefits of making one decision vs another. Multiple plays through Aladdin's Debacle had shown me how my words could be twisted and all this XP, I mean, experience, leads me to one conclusive fact. Jeff is an ass hole and a threat who must be pacified for me to make this right.
As far as this being a curse, I hoped that actively destroying Jeff's character would keep it from twisting what I say. I looked at my watch, the taping was almost done. I excused myself, and quietly entered our apartment down the hall. Jeff was passed out with the TV blaring just as my newest memories said would be the case. I knew he would have set his alarm. in this version of our lives we go to an all you can eat buffet dinner after the taping is over. I smirked remembering all the times I watched him waddle back with 3 plates full of food, gorging himself after spending all day sitting and eating snacks.
Barely above a whisper I read the note I had finally written, destroying my friend.
"Jeff, I want to thank you for the sacrifices you have made. You have committed so diligently to your goal of not using the curse to change reality that it has inspired me to be more mindful myself. I, like you, have stopped using exaggerations, side comments, jokes and expressions that would change reality unintentionally and I no longer need to actively think about avoiding them to keep them out of my normal conversations. You have become such a good, kind, and compassionate friend I find that who you were previously, pales in comparison to the proactive, good-natured person you have become. I wanted to tell you that your choice to work on yourself is paying off and you have grown exponentially in emotional and mental maturity from when we were originally cursed. Though your decision to age yourself from 19 to 28 to change your life was initially a shock, your decision to focus bettering yourself by becoming more mature has paid off. Your well paying business job, new promotion, stability, as well as losing your excess body fat while regaining your athletic physique, and your newly found initiative to take on responsibility, all without using the curse, shows that I was wrong to doubt your decisions in approaching these goals. I am sorry for the guilt you felt after making me, Dan and Kent fat, I am sorry you became depressed and ate your emotions becoming fat yourself, nearly paralyzed with fear over how you could ruin lives with a few words. You seem so much happier being productive and following through on your decision to not use the curse after your last change. I recognize that it had to be a difficult first step and applaud you for taking it. Thank you for taking on the rent and expenses to repay me for when I covered it for you, I never expected such generosity. Thank you for consistently taking care of the chores without being asked and not complaining if I completely ignore them for weeks on end. And finally thank you for sharing those diet and exercise tips all those months ago, I'm not as muscular as you were before you became lazy, but I'm close, and don't need to work out an 80th as much as you did though I have found that I enjoy exercise. Because you won't do it yourself, I am willing to use the curse on your behalf, to remove your premature graying."
I was a flood of emotions as the curse took hold. Jeff in his prior state would have made fixing this impossible and had already shown he can't be trusted to not change me. This was the right thing to do, right? Granted, not everything I threw in there was explicitly necessary to get him on board with fixing the situation but it did fix what he messed up and was my way of harmlessly making him pay for starting this whole situation. So he covers rent instead of us relying on YouTube. He is a good bit older but that will hopefully keep crazy hormones from interfering.
Second guessing myself I combed over what I had said making sure I had firmly planted the thought that all changes to reality were his idea. As a final protection I whispered, "Jeff, the only reality you remember is the one I just made for you." and with that, his alarm went off making me jump.
I looked up to find a thin and moderately athletic looking, old version of Jeff standing before me. He looked up and smiled, I noticed the wrinkles that had formed under and around his eyes. The significant weight gain/ then loss, had taken it toll over the years causing his skin to be a little saggier, that mixed with the premature gray at his temples and working its way into his jawline made him look to be in his mid thirties instead of late twenties.
"Jeez man, did I fall asleep mid day? I hate when I do that... I was just cleaning up around the house, I've been awake since 330 this morning. Work out, work, housework, you know the d.... Have I told you my schedule before?"
Jeff smiled, I smiled back, he had caught himself about to say something that could potentially change reality if he was not initially 100% accurate with his original statement. We had found that asking a question doesn't trigger the curse so we use that to our advantage.
"I haven't started dinner yet!" Jeff rose with a start and headed to the kitchen making a clattering as pots and pans were tossed about. My new memories told me to let him take care of dinner himself.
I went to the small office finding myself doing pull ups on the pull up bar in the door way. I got through 3 before I realized what I was doing. This was normal, well, this was the new old normal since my conversation with the sleeping man moments ago. I let myself down and went into the bathroom during my rest period to see what I had done to myself.
I had gained a muscular physique and shed most of my body fat, my face still retained a little roundness and my facial hair looked denser, probably due to the increased testosterone over the last months from the regular workouts. I had a 4 pack of abs and knew that with a little more time I could easily have a 6 or 8 pack. The no sleeve v neck showed of my body, I now had sizable pecks instead of being flat chested, or, as in the last reality, the beginnings of moobs.
Instinctively, I knew my rest period was over and without thinking, I dropped to the floor and began doing situps, Halfway through I grabbed a textbook and extended my arms up maximizing the resistance. It burned so good. I flipped over and began doing pushups, the physical exertion was an exquisite joy. I went back to the office and grabbed the dumbbells doing some bicep curls and dead-lifts. then I was done.
Though it had only been 2 minutes I was panting and my muscles felt tired. I pulled off my shirt and saw my sizable veins pulsating with blood-flow. A moment later I was chugging a protien shake that I had produced from under the counter. Since I was already in the bathroom, half naked and sweaty, I jumped in the shower. This all felt normal though I new it was not.
Hopping out I took a moment and remembered that I made my workouts 80 times more effective than Jeff's were, meaning my two minutes were like Jeff spending 160 minutes (2 hours 40 minutes) in the gym. That's great for effective use of time but what happens if I need to run for my life for more than 3 minutes? that would be a 4 hour marathon to me... Damit, the curse got me...
"Dinners Ready." Jeff called from the other room.
"Be right in" I called throwing on some pajama bottoms and not caring about a shirt. I went to dinner seeing a plate made for me. Sitting down I noticed my plate was stuffed with food. Two chicken breasts, a huge heaping of steamed veggies and some macaroni and cheese. I almost jokingly accused Jeff of trying to make me fat but reworded it into a question knowing that I would accidentally turn him into my saboteur if I said that.
"Do you think I should eat all this food?" I asked cautiously
Jeff thought for a second or two, "Would you concede that your workouts are more exhaustive than most peoples?"
For a second I thought of saying no, but realized immediately that the reality shift interpretation could easily work against me.
Jeff was watching my face and took my expression change to mean that I got the information I was looking for.
I began eating, "Didn't you notice your beverage?" Jeff asked, referring to the open beer on my side of the table.
"I assumed it was yours." Jeff, being mature and responsible as he is, doesn't usually let his 19 year old roommate drink. If memories serve, I have stopped trying to pester him about it. "What's the occasion?"
"Did you know I was offered the promotion?"
"That is wonderful news! Congratulations!" I blurted out, for a moment I grew concerned with the statement I had made, calling the news wonderful. It literally would mean news that fills someone with wonder or awe. Is that a safe thing to say? Would the curse act on something so far from the use of the word? If it did that would mean that context matters very little. How accurate is the gypsy curses English?