I thought through dozens of different things I could try to say to change reality back for the better. But, I was too nervous to try any of them. Even the most drawn out, complex, and complete statement might leave room for the curse to interpret it into something terribly harmful. As Jeff had just proven, a single misplaced word could have drastic consequences.
I looked at my own arm. It was thick with soft fat, and covered in a layer of dark hair. I looked down at my thickened gut. I must be close to 300 pounds, now. My memories reminded me I was sitting around 290 at the moment. My lifestyle as a part-time YouTuber wasn't exactly the most active. That, coupled with my slowing metabolism and my appetite was causing a steady weight gain. I did find it a little odd that I kept my gaming lifestyle. It seemed the curse took previous changes into account. At least I was still friends with Kent and Dan, even though I was nearly twice their age. I sighed as I rubbed my scalp, feeling how far back my hairline had retreated. I looked like a slightly younger, though fatter, version of my own father. Was he even still my father, though? What happened to him now that I had aged a decade and a half? I avoided pulling up those memories, leaving them buried under the memories of my original life. I didn't want to dig quite that deep, yet. There had to be some way to fix this.
I was broken from my thoughts by a quick, solid knocking on the apartment door. I glanced at the clock, seeing it was now 10 in the evening. I stood up to answer it, wondering who it could possibly be at this time.
I opened the door, revealing a young, dark-skinned woman with black hair. She was carrying a plastic shopping bag and a purse around her shoulder. I recognized her as Emma, who lived in the apartment above ours. We talked on occasion, sometimes bringing her along to hang out with Kent and Dan.
Emma grinned and held out the bag to me. "Hey, Sam. I know it's late, but I wanted to return your DVDs to you before I..." She stopped, looking at me closely. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Uh, I thought I was... I meant to give this to my friend Sam, and you look kind of like him. Uh, I'll be going now." She turned to leave.
"Wait!" I was surprised by the gravel in my voice, once again. "Emma, I'm Sam. You... you don't recognize me?"
She frowned and looked me up and down. "Is this supposed to be a joke? Tell Sam it's not funny. Also tell him that I'm keeping his DVDs. He can come up and collect them from me in person."
She turned and began walked off. I bounded after her, ignoring the pain in my ankles. "No! Really! It's me! You mean you remember me like I was before? Younger, skinnier, not a gamer?"
She kept walking. "What the hell are you talking about? Buzz off, creep. I've got pepper spray."
Somehow, I hustled my bulk in front of her, blocking the stairs. "Emma! I know this sounds crazy, but something really weird has happened to me and Jeff!"
Emma reached into her purse. "No, that's fine. I've kind of been itching to use it, anyway. I hear it really, really stings."
I slapped a meaty hand over my eyes, in hopes of buying time. "I'm serious! Some gypsy cursed us so that we always tell the truth. But it made it so that reality changes to make everything we say real, but in the worst possible way. I know it's nuts, but it's really me!"
I waited for a few tense moments with my hand over my eyes. There was silence on her end. I slowly removed my hand. She was standing there, looking at me very closely.
"Oh my god," she muttered. "She really did it. I didn't think she'd actually... but she really did!"
"Emma...?"
She suddenly reached up, grabbed my arm, and began dragging me back to my apartment. "Sam, tell me everything."
I explained to her how Jeff had stolen a Gypsy's purse, getting both of us cursed with reality warping powers. I explained how I was eventually turned into a 40-year-old, fat gamer and Jeff was my fat, lazy, 10-year-old son. The whole time I was careful to avoid statements, phrasing things as best I could, being exact when possible. The whole time Emma listened closely and nodded. She seemed to drink in every word I said, being quiet up to the end.
After I finished, we sat in silence for a moment. Eventually, she looked up at me. "So, where's Jeff, now?"
I nodded at his door. "In his room. Well, even if he wasn't, he is now."
Emma grimaced and nodded. "Right. Yeah."
I frowned at her. "So, how come you aren't affected by any of this?"
She sighed and leaned back in her chair. "First, I want to apologize. This is all kind of my fault. See, Jeff had a habit of... well, being a jerk. You should know, you have to live with him. I may have said a few things around my great aunt, who got the brilliant idea in her head to use some ancient and powerful gypsy magic on him."
I blinked. "Who what now?"
"You see, my family comes from a very old Romani family. As far as I know, my great aunt is supposedly the last practitioner of a very old form of magic in out family. I guess I always assumed it was more of a superstitions kind of thing, or just a subtle clairvoyance at the very most. But cursing a couple guys to warp reality against themselves... man. I didn't know Aunt G had it in her."
I held up my hands. "Wait, wait. Are you saying that the gypsy woman set us up?"
Emma shrugged sheepishly. "She probably knew where you were going to be and left her purse for Jeff to steal on purpose. Heck, she might have even prepared that curse ahead of time, letting it build up some especially nasty power."
"You know, for someone who didn't believe in magic until a few minutes ago, you sure know a lot about this stuff."
"Eh, what can I say? I grew up with the stories. Thinking about it, Aunt G might have been trying to teach me some of the gypsy ways. Huh..."
I sighed in relief. "So, do you think you can ask your great aunt to get rid of the curse?"
Emma shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Yeah... I could... I could try that."
I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach at her reaction. "What? What's wrong?"
Emma avoided looking me in the eye. "Nothing! Nothing. It's... well, you see, Aunt G can be pretty stubborn when she wants to be, and retracting a curse of this magnitude is not small thing. Not only is the counter curse ritual complex, but she could anger the spirits that she invoked placing it upon you in the first place. It's be like asking someone to build a house for you, and then tearing it down after they're done."
"Then how are we supposed to get out of it."
"Not to worry. All curses have an end clause. You know, like the power of true love and kissing and whatnot. Most gypsy curses are set to automatically end once the victim has leaned their lesson and taken it to heart."
I glared at Jeff's bedroom door. "Jeff has- I don't know if-" I didn't finish my statement in fear of making my uncertainties about Jeff into definite realities. I instead shared an uneasy look with Emma, who seemed to get my meaning.
She nodded. "Right. I'll talk to my great aunt. At the very least I'll see if I can get you uncursed. Luckily, it seems any blood relative of hers is immune to the effects of the curse. Just give me a call if anything super awful happens. I might be able to help out."
I sighed. "Yeah, thanks. And, not to be pushy, but don't take your time talking to your aunt, yeah?" I chuckled. "It's not like I'm getting any younger."
I felt a tingle as my attempt at humor backfired. Though my statement was try, the curse, or whatever spirits were behind it, must have felt the need to remind me that it was listening. Luckily, the change was subtle and I only aged a couple of years. A couple new grey hairs appeared on my chin, as well as a small smattering in my scalp. My hairline receded slightly as the thin patch on the back of my head became a full-fledged bald spot. I also gained a few more pounds, officially surpassing 300.
Emma was lost in her own thoughts, not noticing my changes. "Right, well. I'll get to it, then. Sam, see if you can keep Jeff out of trouble. I'll talk to my great aunt first thing tomorrow. She doesn't own a phone, or else I'd call her. I'll do what I can, alright? You guys hang in there."
She gave me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, and left, leaving me alone with me thoughts once again.