Alpha, the alien who now looked like a toilet made of flesh and blood, demanded to know why the nasty gorilla was spraying his yellow bodily waste all over his beautiful throne-like form but all his cries and shouts were muffled by the symphony of pee impacting against water.
And right after Max the ape had finished squeezing out the reluctant last drops he closed the alien’s lid and forgot to flush, as usual. The stench inside the alien’s throat was terribly disgusting, not to mention the taste. Considering the alien’s line of vision was unfortunately placed on the underside of the lid the alien had been reduced to a blind, immobile and mute inanimate object with really bad breath and a tube up his rectum.
“Gee, if things were to get worse than this I’d even start to suspect that this human guy Norman has played a trick on me.” Alpha’s voice tried to say through all the piss-drenched water.
Max’s huge frame nonchalantly walked over to the kitchen as he wondered why Norman’s apartment looked so small now. He opened the fridge and picked up a can of cola before returning to the couch not before leaving a trail of destruction filled with broken lamps and large chunks of the ceiling.
After his phone call Norman came out from his bedroom wondering where all the noises of random destruction were coming from, and got very angry at his naked roommate.
“The hell?! You made a mess of the living room again!”
Max didn’t stop drinking from his can and instead replied by showing Norman his ugly simian middle finger. The alien toilet beside them tried desperately to call for help but only a sound not very different from a underwater fart was what came out from the appliance.
The ape’s attitude really was pissing Norman off. “Look, a lot of weird stuff is happening today, and the last thing I need now is you acting like your usual jerk-ass self!”
Max crushed his empty cola can and stood up. He stuck his chest out at Norman, as if saying, “You’re on.” His muscular chest was very intimidating even with his quite small cock and balls sticking out just below.
He left Norman no choice. Sure, he had promised Alfred that he wouldn’t do anything with the alien device, but Max was really bullish and his new body only made him more dangerous. Besides, what would be so terrible about just making one more transformation before handing out the device to the authorities?
Norman pointed the dialer at Max, who was kissing his knuckles as if getting ready for a brutal fight. He needed to be fast. Norman dialed for the most powerless thing he could think up in such a short time. The alien device let out a spark and Norman got ready for the hideous change to happen...
...But the change he expected never happened.
“The hell is wrong with his thing?! I used it just like before! Why isn’t it doing anything?” Norman held up the device up in the air and shook as if it were a cellphone with no signal.
Max the gorilla let out a sinister laugh and used his muscular arms to pick Norman up by his shirt collar. The little man squirmed.
“Look, I’m sorry! I know I should just stick to my submissive self!” Norman pleaded. “I’m a terrible roommate!”
Max the gorilla laughed again, this time almost out of pity for the pathetic man he was holding like a small dollie.
At the same time, the toilet was using up all the brainpower on his water tank to think about why the device had malfunctioned. “I pray to the star-dolphins Norman hasn’t made any phone calls next to the dialer,” the alien silently gurgled. “Those pesky human smartphones have a nasty habit of messing up the calibration of the device’s targeting system.”
While Norman was quite busy receiving the pummeling of his life at the hands of a giant ape, a certain cop was riding an elevator heading to the floor of the former’s apartment.
“Damn it Norman... What mess have you gotten into this time?” The cop wondered. Alfred was wearing his standard issued uniform but he wasn’t officially on duty, which meant he wasn’t carrying any weapons at the moment.
“If it all comes down to violence I’ll have to resort to the Taekwondo skills my late father passed down to me!” The story of Alfred’s ancestry was at times convoluted, some other times emotional, but always full of thrill-filled action and dramatic encounters. It was the reason Alfred had decided to join the police force. He wanted his life to leave a mark on history just like his ancestors had done.
He adopted a fighting instance just before the elevator doors opened in case any terrorists were to be awaiting his arrival. When they opened, Alfred somersaulted into the hallway and checked the perimeter.
“Okay, all clear... Uh?!” He gasped when he sensed an electric spark shoot out from his pant pocket. He got prepared for the worst but soon realized it had come from his smartphone. “Shit, it must be broken or something, I have no time for these dumb distractions now!” He took it out and threw it into the floor.
Alfred continued his infiltration mission. He hid behind a corner when he saw a girl come out from one of the apartments to take out the trash. She looked a bit pissed because her father wouldn’t let her see a popular movie titled Tales of Vomit-Inducing Horror III because she was too young. Once the girl was out of sight, Alfred continued onwards.
The door to Norman’s apartment came to his view. “Okay, I got to be at my sharpest now...” Should he tear down the door by force or knock first...?
But just then Alfred’s vision and smell senses warped.
“What’s this? Everything’s foggy! Could it be poisonous gas...?” Alarm bells started ringing inside Alfred’s brain. Every single one of his muscles hurt like hell, specially his strong glutes. He had to endure it for Norman’s sake or he wouldn’t be worthy of being a hero of justice anymore! But with each step he took towards the door he felt himself sinking lower and lower until the weight of his own uniform was too heavy to carry.
“No! It’s not the time to hesitate! I’m so close...!” The strength on his arms and legs vanished entirely and the huge cop fell to the floor with a loud thud. “Agh!” Everything went dark.
“I won’t go out without a fight!” The cop told himself with a weak voice. His mouth tasted like shit and his limbs didn’t seem to respond, but that wasn’t enough to make Alfred lose all his courage. He crawled through the darkness until he found a light at the end of the tunnel.
His sight returned and Alfred kept on crawling. He felt nauseous and the entire hallway looked gigantic to him. He crawled until his form left the police uniform behind. But he still had his police hat on top of him so his nakedness didn’t bother him that much.
Alfred had never felt so small. The door to Norman’s apartment stood tall and mighty. The cop summoned up all his remaining strength to perform his great-grandfather’s secret technique: “Dragon Fury Groin-Buster Kick”, which not only was the ultimate delight of every ballbusting fan but coincidentally it was also a great way of opening up locked doors.
Unfortunately Norman had left the door unlocked and so the resulting momentum from the secret move caused Alfred to summersault all the way through the hallway and into the living room where a giant ape was currently pummeling Norman half to death.
The ape looked at Alfred with a look of genuine confusion on its face. Norman’s bloody face did the same.
Alfred’s world was currently very blurry and tipsy. He struggled to recover his balance as he tried to make sense of the figures looking straight at him. “Everybody freeze! You have the right to remain silent or...” The figures became clearer. “...Wait, is that an ape?”
“Alfred?” Norman asked after hearing the figure clad in the police hat talk.
“...*Grunt*...?” Max exclaimed, as if asking: “Wait, that thing is a friend of yours?”
“Hey, why’s everybody so stupefied? I’m out of the loop here!” Alpha gurgled from the dark. “Can you guys even hear me?”
The cop didn’t understand what he was seeing. But he also didn’t comprehend why Norman was looking at him that way. Sure, he was only wearing a police hat, but it’s not like Norman hadn’t seen him naked before. Alfred had forced Norman to massage and wash with a sponge his bare muscles after a hard day’s work more than once. “It isn’t gay if I’m the only one who’s naked.” He told Norman over and over. And besides, it’s not like his friend was able to say “no” to anyone. But then again he had been feeling increasingly weird since his smartphone had shot that electric spark.
Norman couldn’t believe it. The change he had programmed for Max had somehow ended up changing Alfred instead! He remembered with horror the word he had dialed back then...