You wipe the sweat from your forehead as you turn your old, blue Fiat Punto into the parking lot of a rest stop. You have spent the last two hours driving your best buddy, Keith, to an open day at a community college next town over. As your luck would have it today was not only the hottest day of the year, but it was also the day the climate control of your old shit car decided to die leaving you an Keith both to cook in a sweltering, overpowering and humid heat in the upper 90s.
You glance over at Keith who’s bussing himself with a catalogue detailing the various courses offered at the college. You love Keith with all your heart, he’s been your best friend since elementary, but ever since high school the two of you have been, well, the nice way to put it would be saying the two of you have been developing in different directions. You were accepted to a university on the East Coast, got out of Nowheresville and would soon finish your law degree, which would hopefully offer a future in places like Boston or Chicago for you. Keith meanwhile...he has spend the last three years just sort of bumbling through life; doing low-level jobs for minimum wage, messing about with a number of projects he hoped being able to make money off some day, but which never worked out either (You distinctly remember three failed web comics as well as his unsuccessful stint as a freelance web designer). It had been your idea for him to at least check out college, in another of your efforts to prevent your friend from becoming a permanent welfare recipient. Keith had seemed enthusiastic enough about the open day, and had showed up on time for you to get him there in time....but, you mark with a grimace, would it have been too much to ask of him to make himself look a little bit presentable for the occasion?
You briefly measure him up; unlike you, who has learned that people do judge by appearances Keith still didn’t care how he looked. While he was several inches taller than you and had both very thick and beautiful, dark blonde hair as well as striking blue eyes, the overall effect was ruined by his hair being unwashed most of the time, the lower part of his face covered in a unmaintained grubby stubble and the slight gut (combined with overall being out of shape) he sported. Even his clothes were garbage; am old, faded Pink Floyd t-shirt with noticeable holes along the hem and sleeves, a pair of shorts and crocks...you grimace again, what guy who had even the tiniest hint of pride wore crocks in public?
“I just need to get some soda, this heat is killing me,” you explain to Keith as you park the car.
“Good idea, I might get some too,” Keith says as you get out of the car, then after inspecting the meagre contents of his wallet he bites his lip and adds “well, perhaps they have a water fountain.”
You lock the car and sling the ring of your keys around your ring finger, an odd little habit you have developed over the years.There is an awkward silence as you lock your car and the two of you walk across the parking lot towards a row of soda machine. You play with the car keys in your hand as you check out the different kinds of soda available, while Keith bends down to the drinking fountain. Coke....Mountain Dew...Dr.Pepper...
You raise an eyebrow as you look at the last vending machine in the line....a purple thing apparently dispensing something called “Morpho-Cola”. The front of the machine, in addition to the logo, displayed a hot blonde in sunglasses and an evening gown holding a can of “Morpho-Cola” , a dog, a dolphin, an eagle and a professional football player, along with the drink’s slogan “Transform Your Life!” written in big yellow letters. You chuckle at the machine’s goofy design and walk closer to get a can; “Transform your life!” something corny like that deserves a try.
“Fuck,” you hear Keith cursing from behind you, “the stupid fountain is broken!”
You turn around to see Keith struggling with the fountain’s faucet, unable to produce a single drop of water.
“Uh....” you jumble the coins in your hand against your keys, “you want a can of this stuff?” you ask nodding at the vending machine, “My shout?”
Keith shakes his head as he leans against the fountain “No, it’s alright,” he answers looking annoyed “you do too much for me already these days, you wouldn’t even accept gas money to drive me to that stupid school.”
“Ey,” you laugh and shrug your shoulders, “how can I charge if the climate control is broken? It’d be like charging a turkey for a trip in the oven.”
This makes Keith chuckle as well, “Yeah...any chance of you getting it fixed soon?”
“No money, dude,” you retort as you feed coins into the vending machine, “believe me, I hate that old car, if there was some way to exchange it for a new one I’d be the first to sign up...” You press the first button on the machine, your car keys jumbling against the machine’s plastic casing and as they do so you notice the button not just lighting up,a s many vending machine buttons do but actually spraying sparks as you feel an electric shock flaring through your hand,. Cursing you jump back and drop your keys in the process. They land on the asphalt still crackling with electricity.
“Shit!” Keith calls out as he jumps to your side, “You alright? What happened dude?”
You suck on your ring finger “How am I supposed to know? Perhaps some circuit in that fucking machine reacted with the metal in my keys or something...” You look down at your keys, they have stopped spraying sparks and tentatively pick them up. You sigh with relief as you do not notice any damage on your keys and squeeze them back onto your ring finger.
“Well that was weird...” Keith comments.
You snort, “Ya can say that again!” and then turn to the machine’s dispensing slot. Finding it empty you curse “That stupid thing ate my money!” and start to shake the machine ina vain effort to either shake a can lose or get your money back.
You feel Keith’s hand on your shoulder “Come on dude, it’s just a couple of bucks, let’s get going before we miss open day.”
“You’re right,” agree as you an Keith walk back to your car, “seen any courses you’re interested in yet?”
To your pleasant surprise Keith’s face brightens as he brushes a couple of greasy, matted strands of his sandy hair out of his face, “Actually yes, they offer a couple of IT diplomas that’d really boost my chance of getting hired by an actual company.”
“Sounds good,” you encourage him as you press the remote unlock button on your keys “the most important thing is....”
You are interrupted by the sound and sight of your car...exploding...no...not exploding, but violently disassembling...
You and Keith stop dead in your tracks as you watch how your Fiat Punto’s blue mantling, doors, windows...upholstery, every part that is removable from the basic frame detach from it, dissolve and swirl around the steel skeleton in a sort of blue whirlwind.
Before you can even process what just happened the naked frame of your car....changes. The compact, rounded shape of your Fiat Punto is lost as the frame stretches to become longer, more slender, more streamlined. The backseats are lost as they morph into what appears to be the framework and storage space for a retractable roof. The blue whirlwind fades to red and black as the car starts to reassemble, forming parts as needed that then reattach themselves t the frame. But just as the frame has transformed these newly assembled parts have changed as well; the two remaining seats become covered in shiny, black leather instead of the cheap synthetic of your old upholstery, the new mantling is a rich, deep burgundy and black, the new windows are tinted.
When all is done you ad Keith find yourself standing in front of a factory fresh Bugatti Veyron. Baffled you and Keith look at each other.
“What just happened dude?” Keith asks.
“I...” you look at the car, then back at Keith, then back to the car, “I have no idea...” You causally glance down at the keys in your hand and notice that they, once again are crackling with strange, bright purple coloured sparks, you furrow your brow. Was it the keys that changed your car like that? No, that’s crazy talk....The words on the Morpho-Cola machine come back to you “Transform Your Life!” You chuckle, no stuff like that didn’t happen in reality...yet there was the car right before you... You chuckled again.
“What’s up dude?” Keith asks.
Well only one way to find out, “Watch this dude...” you say as you point your keys at the car again and once again press the unlock button.
The next transformation is less violent, no disassembling, no whirlwind, but the car definitely changes. The red and black mantling fades back to blue as the shape of the car changes, losing the retractable roof, but regaining the backseats as it becomes a classy luxury sedan.
You press again and the blue sedan shifts into a black Lexus, and with another press of the button the Lexus becomes a scarlet red Chevrolet corvette.
“It’s the keys...” you conclude, more to yourself than to Keith.
“What?” Keith asks.
You grin at Keith, “The keys, the vending machine must have done something to it....and now it let’s me transform my car...”
Keith raises an eyebrow “That sounds completely ridiculous...”
“Then how do you explain that my 2001 Fiat Punto just became a luxury sports car?”
Keith shrugs his shoulders “Beats me, but I bet that thing has climate control,” he nods at the car and starts walking “come on, let’s give this baby a test drive!”
You are about to follow Keih to the car as you once again notice Keith’s crocks, and are once again forced to shake your head over your friend’s appearance. You also notice how dirty and sweaty Keith’s t-shirt and shorts are. You almost cringe as you imagine him getting all that dirt and sweat on the brand new leather of your new Chevrolet... And then a smile spreads over your lips as you get an idea...the slogan on the vending machine was “Change Your Life” not “Change Your Car”. You look down at your keys and then back at Keith....if your new, magic car keys could transform your old, dusty Fiat into a sleek Chaevrolet...then maybe they’d also allow you to upgrade Keith’s wardrobe. After all, it would be important for Keith to make a good first impression at the College.
“Hey Keith!” you call out.
He turns around “Yeah?”
You grin as you point he keys at Keith, “Kiss your crocs goodbye!” You press the unlock key, there is a bright flash radiating from Keith’s grubby clothes and....as the flash fades away you find Keith standing there completely stark naked, his hairless chest and belly completely visible, his veiny dick dangling in the wind. The whole sight is so hilarious to you that you cannot help but burst out in laughter.
Keith, who had been blinded by the flash opens his eyes again “What’s so damn funny...” then he notices the cool touch of wind around his private parts...and everywhere else. He looks down and instantly covers his dick with his hands.
“Dude!” he shouts at you, “Not cool! Gimme my clothes back you asshole!”
You try to comply and point your keys at Keith again, but the sight of your naked, blushing friend causes you to be overcome with laughter again.
“Dude!” Keith growls “Now!”
You finally get a hold at yourself, taking a few deep breath and fighting against the urge to cringe over with laughter again. “Alright...alright...” you manage to say and point the keys at Keith again.
“Here goes nothing...” you say as you press the unlock button once more and...